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Obi1KenobiNil Posted on 3/4 21:25
FAO SaltburnRed

Keep seeing your posts about being at various Cellnet awards bashes over the years. How did you wangle that one ? The Phil Stamp story was a classic.

SaltburnRed Posted on 3/4 21:33
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Connections within Cellnet. They stopped having these awards nights when Cellnet pulled out of the sponsorship deal which was shame cos they were great entertainment. Somehow always ended up with Alan Moore on my table - great!

Obi1KenobiNil Posted on 3/4 21:46
re: FAO SaltburnRed

"Connections" eh ? Bet it was bribery!!

Looks like the Aussie threads have died a death, have they finally decided to have a whinge on another board ?

SaltburnRed Posted on 3/4 21:55
re: FAO SaltburnRed

My mates said I must have slipped someone a few quid.

The two numptys will be back I'm sure, they'll drag the old threads from the depths with some inane dross as usual. Did you read that PNG is threatening to come and live in London ? As if the place didn't have enough drunken drug using bums as it was. Jarz will be on here as soon as he gets back from his paper round.

Did you see the Bowyer-Dyer fight on Saturday ? I don't normally watch Football First on Sky Sports but on Saturday night I just had to for that. Fantastic stuff. No boxing match has ever been as good entertainment as that. Can't wait for the Legends tomorrow. McDonald will probably call in sick.

PNGfulham Posted on 4/4 1:24
re: FAO SaltburnRed


i can just imagine what sort of "connecting" you have been
offering those rump rangers just so u can sit on their table...


so now that you a both boxing experts i guess you will agree that
hatton has no chance against tzsyu

PNGfulham Posted on 4/4 5:33
re: FAO SaltburnRed


did u guys hear the latest....?

Obi1Kenobi speaks loads of Balony

jarazinho Posted on 4/4 6:06
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Saltburn-Red....The North Easts answer to Michael Palin..

SaltburnRed Posted on 4/4 6:22
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Who gives a stuff about Hatton and the other bloke, we've seen the best fight of the year already.

Jarz, any comparison to a top bloke like Palin is a good gesture, cheers.

Obi, how many times have you been offended by the weakest user name pun in the entire history of this board ? It's pathetic isn't it. Yet they still persist with it. Poor show from the numpty hemoroids.

jarazinho Posted on 4/4 6:26
re: FAO SaltburnRed

good job Mr Palin doesnt get lost when he travels to the next street.

PNGfulham Posted on 4/4 6:29
re: FAO SaltburnRed


Hey SBR....did you know Michael Palin loves Australia.

jarazinho Posted on 4/4 6:29
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Who gives a stuff about Hatton,Tszyu??you are showing your ignorance again Salty boy..i guess the 22,500 who created a UK record by snapping up all tickets within 90mins..thats who gives a stuff!!!

jarazinho Posted on 4/4 6:49
re: FAO SaltburnRed

hey salty boy..stopped crying/whinging yet?

SaltburnRed Posted on 5/4 6:42
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Jarz you thick Aussie turnip, I was actually having a joke about Dyer and Bowyer and saying no other fight could compare with it this year. But you with your creepy obsession with this boxing match you've decided I'm being a ignorant bugger. Get a bloody life will you or stop and think before you mouth off for a change.

SaltburnRed Posted on 5/4 6:46
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Which is why is lives there, yes ?

People can like a place and still want to live at home.

PNGfulham Posted on 5/4 6:51
re: FAO SaltburnRed


i agree SBR......

i love a good cat fight.....

and i know you will confirm that those two pommy geordies are girls .......

SaltburnRed Posted on 5/4 6:55
re: FAO SaltburnRed

No, they're supposed to be Geordie footballers which makes it all the more hilarious. McDonald is claiming Dyer had no involvement in it apart from being punched. Is he looking at the same footage as me ? For pure comedy value and sheer entertainment, this just can't be beaten.

PNGfulham Posted on 5/4 6:57
re: FAO SaltburnRed


i hope i get this job in london....

i'll be able to compare it to Port Moresby

PNGfulham Posted on 5/4 7:01
re: FAO SaltburnRed


yes indeed....

keep the tape and we can compare it to the replay of the tszyu
fite and see which is more hilarious...

just that i dont think that hatton will last as long as dyer
b4 the ref stops it (or loses his noggin in row 13)

SaltburnRed Posted on 5/4 7:06
re: FAO SaltburnRed

The Geordie bout lasted about 10 seconds. Hatton will have finished off the old bloke before then so the Geordie fight will remain the better entertainment.

jarazinho Posted on 5/4 7:09
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Salty boy..before u make yourself look a little research..and then come back with a sensible view on the fight!!

SaltburnRed Posted on 5/4 7:49
re: FAO SaltburnRed

And you learn to realise when someone's having a joke, you buffoon.

SaltburnRed Posted on 5/4 7:50
re: FAO SaltburnRed

I notice the same remark wasn't directed at your lover boy.

PNGfulham Posted on 5/4 9:41
re: FAO SaltburnRed


your just jealous SBR....

i'de give u a go but

a) dont have time.. too busy dusting off the slappers here ...(in practise for london - via ibeza- )

b) your salt burnt red rash has a reputation......(i know you enjoy it.....but 4 me....its gunna be a acquired taste type of thing)

but fk jaraz said somewhere ....

u cant be not regret what u didnt do....

etc etc etc...SO COME U F C C hole.......come on down...

its gunna be fun when i come to london

if i shouted u a seat to the hatton/tszyu fite would you CUM?

SaltburnRed Posted on 5/4 18:20
re: FAO SaltburnRed

If you're even half the lunatic you appear to be on here when anyone meets you in real life then you're best left alone I'm afraid.

Besides, wouldn't want Jarz getting all jealous and you two having a handbag fight. Actually what a way to wind that man up, getting a ticket for the fight he's been prattling on about for months and then making it known that I couldn't give a shoite about it.

Obi1KenobiNil Posted on 5/4 18:34
re: FAO SaltburnRed

I would like to formally apologise for the use of the word "faggot" in another thread. This has caused some level of upset amongst our Antipodean friends and has resulted in me having being accused of being a "redneck", in whatever form that entails. I would like to withdraw the comment and am sure that in replacing it with another phrase, the said offended parties will be less inclined to show their unsatisfaction. From here on in, I would ask that the word "faggot" be replaced by "bum plugging gaylords".

Git me a rope, weesa goin have oursels a hangin!!! Yeeehaaaw!!

Obi1KenobiNil Posted on 5/4 18:52
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Yes definite red card to Huge-Arseinho, had a pop at you for the joke about the Hatton/whatever his name is fight and totally ignored a similar piss take by his own mate. I suspect it was because his buttyboy was having a laugh at Hatton, not the Russian bloke who's arse he's currently kissing. Unfair, unsporting and severely lacking in any sense of humour whatsoever. But hell, what's new with this bloke.

SaltburnRed Posted on 5/4 20:46
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Jarz has been critcising me for not wishing to move away from my home and having a wish to live near my family. Sadly no amount of arguements that these mean more to me than any amount of travelling to other places have shut him up. But I'm ready to conceed, ready to admit that I would be ready to sell up, leave the family and get the hell away from this country if one of two things should happen. If either him or his bum chum PNG move in next door, I'm gone, sod the family, sod everything.

I'd also be gone if Sunderland win the league. Thankfully, although extremely remote, it's more likely than having to endure Sydney's answer to Herman Munster as a neighbour.

Obi are you watching the Liverpool game ? They're making the Italians look like fools.

jarazinho Posted on 5/4 22:18
re: FAO SaltburnRed obviously know nothing about boxing..if you read my threads on the hatton/Tszyu thread..our my conversations with J will find that all i say is that Hatton is a worthy challenger,however i believe Tszyu(and so do the bookys and most US boxing writers)that Tszyu will be too strong for Ricky..Tszyu is regarded as probably the best "pound for pound"fighter in the world at the moment.Hatton is a worthy challenger,however he hasnt fought the calibre of fighter that Tszyu has..i have stated that it will be a good fight....

get your facts right..u obviously know FA about boxing..

jarazinho Posted on 5/4 22:20
re: FAO SaltburnRed

i also accept your ur apology regarding the use of "faggot"

ur better than that mate!

jarazinho Posted on 5/4 22:58
re: FAO SaltburnRed

i actually hope Sunderland win the championship..cant see a problem in that..good on em...they obviously played well and deserved it..

PNGfulham Posted on 5/4 23:55
re: FAO SaltburnRed


i think obi wan kenobi has been chewing too much wacky baccy

ur ment to smoke it

U F C Fkn moron

code guide: the "C" stands for Complete.....the rest is up 2 u.

editors note....
(for help in decifering just ask for a chimney sniffing, one balled mute from saltburn)

jarazinho Posted on 6/4 2:32
re: FAO SaltburnRed

hey obi you big fat is an opinion from somebody who has actually put a little thought into his refreshing...

j_orourke Posted on 4/4 6:51 Email this Message
re: Hatton/Tszyu update..

We are not in disagreement really because Costa Tszyu is clearly the favourite and should beat Ricky Hatton, but and it's a big but, I have a sneaking feeling that our lad will win it! If he does it will be the biggest upset involving a British boxer since Lloyd Honeyghan beat the 'unbeatable' Don Curry. What ever happens it should be a cracker and it will be interesting if Costa doesn't knock him out early and the longer the fight goes on it should/will favour the much younger Hatton. I for one cannot wait and wish I had a ticket, still might go and pay over the odds if I am home at the time.

jarazinho Posted on 6/4 2:35
re: FAO SaltburnRed

you see obi-loads-of-baloney..its not hard to write something constructive...but seems you know FA about boxing,maybe just stick to your KKK,redneck,name calling nonsense....your parents must be real proud!

PNGfulham Posted on 6/4 3:26
re: FAO SaltburnRed


egg zachary.......

orourke reckons the bout will last 9 1/2 rounds...quite an astute fella..

dont be afraid of the balony btw....its been de-boned..

the 2 membrains are gunna be in soon
the brown stained balony and saltnose with his disorientated horse

they should do a modern day goon show or something...

but then agn, they dont travel do they....

makes it tough to do a show on the road

jarazinho Posted on 6/4 3:32
re: FAO SaltburnRed

im surprised the turkey leaves saltburn to travel to Boro for the games!!..maybe he gets frequent driver points ..

PNGfulham Posted on 6/4 3:37
re: FAO SaltburnRed


hey maybe Hatton and Tszyu should fite for the FA Cup...

seeing as O1K and SBR know so much about it...

PNGfulham Posted on 6/4 3:41
re: FAO SaltburnRed


he's clocked up plenty of frequent driving points.....

just not on the road tho....

PNGfulham Posted on 6/4 3:54
re: FAO SaltburnRed


how does he go thru passport control every time he re-locates i wonder....

i reckon he has diplomatic status by now....

his horse is well pissed off at having to sit in quarentine for 6 months tho just for a slimey trip across the road...

jarazinho Posted on 6/4 3:57
re: FAO SaltburnRed

PNG..please stop taking the pi** out of salty boy...not everybody likes to leave the boundrys of there garden/local nek of the woods etc...everybodys different mate!!..ask youself a question PNG..what would happen to his idiot mates,local chippy,local kebab house etc..if he left??

have you thought about that mate???

--- Post edited by jarazinho on 6/4 4:00 ---

PNGfulham Posted on 6/4 4:34
re: FAO SaltburnRed


i think its the horse thats gunna miss him the most jaraz....

SaltburnRed Posted on 6/4 6:42
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Jarz, you really are a pompous arse you know that. OK, message to Obi or anyone, DO NOT under any circumstances make light of this boxing match he's on about or display a less than encyclopedic knoweledge of boxing before making a comment on the sport. Do not have a joke by comparing it to the Dyer-Bowyer spat and suggesting Tzsyu, or however it's spelt, will be decked quicker than Dyer was. Of course, PNG is allowed to suggest Hatton will be decked in similar manner and will not be displaying any kind of ignorance. Failure to adhere to these rules will result in...well, just look at the ultra serious/you will not joke about this type posts above, do we really need it ?

Jarz, when you move will you be packing everything into the dinghy and sailing across to the other side of the local pond before pitching the family tent there. Oh how the sewage pit on that side of the pond you're on now will miss you.

jarazinho Posted on 6/4 6:45
re: FAO SaltburnRed

png can say what he wants because he is not a human....dont think youll be doing much sailing or going anywhere in a you??

jarazinho Posted on 6/4 6:45
re: FAO SaltburnRed

one huge trip to the next street..has probably knackered you..

SaltburnRed Posted on 6/4 6:46
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Funnily enough Jarz, I consider you and PNG to be my "idiot mates" as opposed to my normal mates with brain cells in more than single figures and no serious attitude problems. Be proud lads, your fame is huge up here.

jarazinho Posted on 6/4 6:48
re: FAO SaltburnRed

when u say normal mates,are those the irish bar,here we go..,Majorca me up,stuff another kebab down my throat mates???

jarazinho Posted on 6/4 7:04
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Hey salty boy-dubai ray has a job for you..check his thread...

750 pounds a day....only 1 problem involves travel...maybe if u tell them youve got a laptop they will let u work from home,maybe??

SaltburnRed Posted on 6/4 7:06
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Well even if they were, which they're not, they'd be less irritating than you.

jarazinho Posted on 6/4 7:09
re: FAO SaltburnRed

what about the job salty??the one that includes that dirty word travel??

PNGfulham Posted on 6/4 7:20
re: FAO SaltburnRed



your the one with the big red salty rash..

u shud be used to it i wudda thought...

jarazinho Posted on 6/4 7:24
re: FAO SaltburnRed


SaltburnRed Posted on 6/4 7:40
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Does it involve travelling to kick your arse ? I'm up for that. No on second thoughts forget that, I might get my foot stuck and never get it back with an arse that size.

jarazinho Posted on 6/4 7:42
re: FAO SaltburnRed

didnt think u would be interested mate..750 quid a day..a little travel though...what about ur family,mates,local chippy,pub etc..u couldnt leave all that could you??..hang on its not relocating..its just "a little travel'..what do u reckon??

still too hard yea?/

SaltburnRed Posted on 6/4 7:52
re: FAO SaltburnRed

I haven't even bothered to look at what you're on about so you'll have to enlighten me. Don't be getting all jealous on me for having a life here Jarz, just cos yours is as full as a very much empty thing.

jarazinho Posted on 6/4 7:57
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Trying to help u ray has found a 750 quid a day his earlier thread...but it has one downside(for u that is..)it involves a little domestic travel...different citys in the uk..not different streets!!

PNGfulham Posted on 6/4 7:59
re: FAO SaltburnRed


raining like crazy here...

just did an SBR (crossed the road) to get some panadol
and now sitting here absolutely drenched head to toe..

SaltburnRed Posted on 6/4 8:03
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Nah, could cope with Plymouth or Truro but might have to visit Newcastle. 750 just isn't enough.

PNGfulham Posted on 6/4 8:03
re: FAO SaltburnRed


what do u actually have to do (apart from travel) jaraz in this job of yours?

if it is some kind of elephant man act in the circus i think SBR should apply....

jarazinho Posted on 6/4 8:05
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Thought it would be too much for you..wouldnt want you climbing out of that comfy couch mate,putting down yer pipe and slippers!

jarazinho Posted on 6/4 8:13
re: FAO SaltburnRed

thing is png..he could go for it once he sorts himself out on the change/travel/phobia!!..could take a while though...maybe u could give it a crack..maybe salty boy doesnt want to move anywhere in case santa cant find him on the 25th?/

PNGfulham Posted on 6/4 8:20
re: FAO SaltburnRed


but they would put him in a cage wouldnt they??

then he would have no choice....

works for me.....

SaltburnRed Posted on 6/4 8:24
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Jarz has cornered the market in John Merrick lookalike jobs I'm afraid.

jarazinho Posted on 6/4 8:29
re: FAO SaltburnRed

hey about the travel industry????as long as u didnt have to travel of course!!

PNGfulham Posted on 6/4 8:53
re: FAO SaltburnRed


leave him alone jaraz....

he's on a good thing as it is as the strapper at the local

"Saltburn Used Horse and Carts" dealership.

SaltburnRed Posted on 6/4 18:30
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Aye, our best buys are genuine Aussie Carthorses, or Mark Viduka and Harry Kewell as they're better known. Viduka is off to the knackers yard though.

jarazinho Posted on 6/4 23:29
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Playground or Test ground, Shane Warne remains the first choice of cricket's most respected journal.

Wisden has named Warne its Leading Cricketer in the World in 2004 to cap the leg spinner's remarkable return.

PNGfulham Posted on 6/4 23:32
re: FAO SaltburnRed


nice one see jaraz.....

he's not bad at his current job....

even tho we all know that he, himself, that is, the mitey SBR
would make a better, improved, pastier, stickier version
if sold to the glue factory than one of his own beloved eee awws

does tht make sense?

still schlaughtered i thnk

actually...i thnk i'm still PNG'ed

jarazinho Posted on 6/4 23:40
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Was looking at a Saltburn "tourism"page and they dont paint a very rosy picture....surely it wasnt always like this?

Saltburn is a dumping ground for the elderly, the poor, mentals and skanks, while the rich sit snug up on Snob (Hob) Hill. Also, there's a bizarre, 'Owl cam' (CCTV camera disguised as an owl) on top of the church on the high street.
saltburn aint that bad! hang on yes it is!

PNGfulham Posted on 7/4 0:16
re: FAO SaltburnRed


i looked up "saltburn surf carnival" and got a very interesting response..

there was a picture of some massively fat, bald headed his bath tub......making outrageously sized waves for his 2 rubber duckies and his disorientated horse.....

libardi Posted on 7/4 1:04
re: FAO SaltburnRed

this has to be the most entertaining 3 way slanging match on the board. My favourite insult so far (possibly ever) has been SBR's "Aussie turnip" comment.
keep it up!

jarazinho Posted on 7/4 1:23
re: FAO SaltburnRed

4 way mate..salty(im too scared to go further south than Bradford)..his fat dopey mate obi-loads-of-baloney,PNG Fulham(good bloke)..and my good self....usually about 4pm sydney time 7am uk..we have two screaming banshees who come flying in and get all worked up..laugh a minute out for fat boy obi though..bit of a "redneck"...

PNGfulham Posted on 7/4 1:38
re: FAO SaltburnRed


yes i agree libardi....

the turnip did hurt.....but only because i have never had one up my arse b4

SBR on the other hand has had all sorts of vegetable matter up his rectum....

cucumbers and watermelons being his favorites...

they will let him out of the zoo one day

and hopefully he will go and play with his parmo and leave us in peace

PNGfulham Posted on 7/4 1:46
re: FAO SaltburnRed


oh btw...

i forgot to mention that he is a

F C F C hole

hope that clears matters up

--- Post edited by PNGfulham on 7/4 1:56 ---

SaltburnRed Posted on 7/4 6:59
re: FAO SaltburnRed

As usual Jarz pitches in with a completely relevant comment about a fat cricketer who takes drugs.

I try and keep the insults basic Libardi cos these boys aren't the brightest in the world and some cleverer digs have gone way over their heads ( they have two each to accomodate all the whinging they do ). I find I have to be careful with Jarz cos he's spectacularly adept at missing the point and one misplaced comment could result in the sort of barrage of pure industrial Nunthorpe language the Lodger got or the bloke who had a dig about the Aborigines being the better athletes in Oz. He's also taken to putting in random reports about shark attacks and mutilation which is disturbing. He claims to have travelled but it's all part of the "Relocate Your Village Idiot" programme he's involved in which you may have seen that I've mentioned earlier. He was Nunthorpe's candidate but they located him to various places and he kept blowing his cover and making his idiocy known. Finally they shipped him to Oz where his cover is virtually fool proof, who's going to be able to identify one idiot in a nation of buffoons. Mind you, they're getting worried cos even by their standards, Jarz is showing signs of going over the top.

PNG's brand of humour is too much to cope with at this time of day, even Monty Python rejected it on the grounds of it being too weird. Drugs are undoutably involved and in major quantities.

jarazinho Posted on 7/4 7:03
re: FAO SaltburnRed one of these geezers who has an opinion on everthing,any place--but who has never been anywhere....lives in his little bubble,surrounded by his pig ignorant lager swilling mates..who will one day wake up and realise life has just passed him ticker..very sad!!

enjoy the bubble salty...hey theres always a week in Majorca with your lager swilling mates to look forward to!!

--- Post edited by jarazinho on 7/4 7:04 ---

PNGfulham Posted on 7/4 7:14
re: FAO SaltburnRed


nice rant salty.(i'll read it 1 day) go and knock the top off it and get to work

p.s. canyagetanygear?


--- Post edited by PNGfulham on 7/4 7:17 ---

SaltburnRed Posted on 7/4 7:14
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Jarz is one of these blokes who has an opinion on everything and cannot accept that anyone else has an opinion that differs from his. He often wets himself when someone suggests his life isn't the one everyone would choose and that maybe, just maybe, your life is probably more rewarding than he ever could imagine. His ignorance knows no bounds, his language often brutal and lacking in education, his dinghy has a hole in it. He is the sort of person you move away from if he sits next to you in a pub. He is the sort of person you move towns to get away from if he sits next to you in a pub just to be sure.He'll find you, he'll bloody find you and when he does ,he'll tell you about a shark attack in Wankyawanga Bay. And you'll wish it was you being eaten by that shark just to get away from him.

Nunthorpe, what did we do to deserve him ? Be ashamed.

jarazinho Posted on 7/4 7:15
re: FAO SaltburnRed

png..i think poor old salty is at breaking point..hes drivelling on about some bollox...i reckon hes been on the png gold!!

jarazinho Posted on 7/4 7:18
re: FAO SaltburnRed

poor old salty...been nowhere....knows nothing.....very sad....youve got to get out of the bubble mate....grow some balls....

SaltburnRed Posted on 7/4 7:52
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Poor Jarz, ignorant fool who's been to a few countries and now thinks he knows it all, now stuck in humdrum life in the retard relocation programme, wetting himself over a boxing match that's still about 2 months away cos his life is so empty, can't go welly fishing cos his dinghy has a hole in it and he's too big to balance on his kid's rubber duck ( as he found out when he tried it ). No sense of humour, candidate for possibly the easiest man to wind up on the planet, calls himself English and refers to the Aussies as "we" but will switch that to the English should we beat the Aussies at anything ( goes with the favourites everytime ), only affection he gets is from PNG during one of their love ins, widely regarded as the biggest loser ever to come out of Nunthorpe, and that takes some doing for those who don't know.

Just give up Jarz, give it up mate for all our sakes and your own.

jarazinho Posted on 7/4 7:59
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Salty old chap..all im saying is that you cant pass comment like yourself if you havnt been can u form an opinion if you havnt been there????...i have done some travelling have thousands of other big deal...ive spent time living and working in 6 different ive done a little travelling....unlike yourself whos never left sunny saltburn...i dont pass comment on something i know nothing about..unlike yourself..

jarazinho Posted on 7/4 23:26
re: FAO SaltburnRed



PNGfulham Posted on 8/4 0:13
re: FAO SaltburnRed


did you "spoil" yourself

u didnt make it back to kilcare did u....

have a go at SBR............i only eva post when
i'm schlaughtered from the nite b4 at 8/9am
or back on the piss at work at 4/5pm....

makes for much more interesting reading

PNGfulham Posted on 8/4 0:18
re: FAO SaltburnRed


actually, i'm out of action myself today...

11.30am off to a KICK lunch...

speakers are Merv Hughes, Rodney Hogg and Dougie Hawkins....

any questions u wud like me to ask......??

SaltburnRed Posted on 8/4 6:30
re: FAO SaltburnRed

I'll pass comment on whatever the hell I like Jarz so you'll just have to accept it. Just because I haven't been to a place doesn't mean I don't have some knowledge of it. You've never been to Iraq or Bosnia but i'd imagine you have a fair opinion on what you think it's like. I've never been to Australia but we see enough of the place, encounter its people and hear enough from people who have been there to have a realistic view of how the place is. I can't match the distances you've travelled but I can certainly match the number of countries ( and I don't mean within the UK )so I think it's fair for me to be able to have these opinions thanks.

I know another rant about "you've never left sunny saltburn" is coming and you'd be entirely predictable and boring in your usual way but I think you need to stop being way up your own arse and accept that you might, just might, not be qualified to judge anyone else when you don't have a clue who you're dealing with. Mate.

Obi1KenobiNil Posted on 8/4 7:42
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Ask Merv Hughes if he's still in his Village People tribute band as the leather clad biker. Ask the other two who the fcuk they are.

You've hit the nail right on the head about Jarz there Saltburn, the bloke should get out from up his own arse and just for a minute think that people are allowed to have an opinion or a lifestyle different from his and that doesn't make them wrong or having missed out on something. Just cos someone hasn't worked or lived in other countries doesn't mean they've "done nothing". I doubt he's done all that much except take his wages cos it's sure as hell that was the main reason he moved to these places. Essentially he's having a go for people not being as greedy a basteward as him.

We can accept PNG's inane ramblings, the guy had a bad acid trip some years ago and it obviously fuddled his brain. He's a sexist and insenstive moron but essentially he's harmless. His mate though, well, he's arrogant, ignorant, narrow minded and full of shyte and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Thankfully he's way down under and the stench he left behind is beginning to subside. Let us pray he stays down there and never darkens our shores again.

I hear he's pissed and has collapsed in a heap of his own spew. That's what 3 wine gums and a can of dandilion and burdock does to the man, he should learn.

Obi1KenobiNil Posted on 8/4 7:50
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Saltburn, how long before one of them uses the "ObiWan Baloney" gag again ? It would only be about the 200th time so plenty of life in it yet I'd have thought.

Two Aussies in a pub. One says "hey mate, why did the chicken cross the road ?" The other says "Why mate". His mate says "to get to the other side you great gallah". Other Aussie says "Oh yeah mate, that's a good one, he he he".

Five minutes later, same two Aussies are still in the pub. One says "hey mate, why did the chicken cross the road ?" The other says "Why mate". His mate says "to get to the other side you great gallah". Other Aussie says "Oh yeah mate, that's a good one, he he he".

Ten minutes later, same two Aussies are still in the pub.One says "hey mate, why did the chicken cross the road ?" The other says "Why mate". His mate says "to get to the other side you great gallah". Other Aussie says "Oh yeah mate, that's a good one, he he he".

Five hours later, same two Aussies still in the pub.One says "hey mate, why did the chicken cross the road ?" The other says "Why mate". His mate says "to get to the other side you great gallah". Other Aussie says "Oh yeah mate, that's a good one, he he he".

Twelve hours later, English bloke in same bar sat next to them puts a gun to his head and pulls trigger.

SaltburnRed Posted on 8/4 7:58
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Startlingly realistic scenario there Obi, like me you've obviously heard a few Aussies talking to each other over the years.

Maybe we shouldn't be so hard on poor Jarz, he can't help it if his brain implants made him the way he is, the ones they insert at immigration control at Sydney airport that turns you into an ignorant vegetable ie a typical Aussie.

SaltburnRed Posted on 8/4 8:20
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Jarz used to be in the SAS you know. His missus says that when they get in the sack he's in and out so quickly she doesn't realise he's been there.

jarazinho Posted on 10/4 21:45
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Hey obi-talks-loasa-of-baloney...those chicken jokes had us un stitches!you should get yourself a stand up gig at the Brambles farm hotel where all your drongo mates go on karioke night.As far as having an "opinion" gripe with Saltburn(i dont like to tavel)boy was how can he have such an opinion of Australia and Ozzys when he has never been here!!!ive lived on "both sides of the fence"and hence how i form my for your guide drongo i started travelling by myself at 20..went to HK purely on spec,managed to find a job and survive for a couple of years before my company transferred me to several other you see it took balls in the beginning and a sense of adventure once the ball started rolling..something that you and your (im to scared to leave the house)mate salty boy do not have!!!!obviously.....nothing in life is free girls..youve got to make things happen...anyway you can get back to your extra large kebab and and carry on watching corro..
ps enjoy the bubble..

--- Post edited by jarazinho on 10/4 22:37 ---

jarazinho Posted on 10/4 22:45
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Saltburn red..on an earlier Obi-talks-baloney post..

"Obi,like me you have heard a few ozzys talking to each other over the years"..yea sure salty,the only place that youve heard an ozzy twang has been on home and away or neighbours!!!coz u certainly wouldnt have dared leave your nice little cozy street and actually go somewhere to exprerience it for yourself!!..oh..its just all to hard,long flight,will miss my local,miss my favourite chippy.,miss my idiot mates..oh deary would be in a right fine mess salty boy..

PNGfulham Posted on 11/4 2:12
re: FAO SaltburnRed


SBR.........last seen chewing Obi's smiling balony......both with parmo's wedged up their buttholes

PNGfulham Posted on 11/4 2:18
re: FAO SaltburnRed


hey Obi.........canyagetanygear?

jarazinho Posted on 11/4 5:03
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Stick to the facts salty..all i said was that i dont know how you can have such an opinion on Australia if you have never been here mate...i appreciate that youve seen a couple of "home and away" and "neighbours "episodes and maybe youve had a beer in that outback bar in the cleveland centre(appropriate name)but surely you dont base your opinion on that boll**? i have stated earlier(god this is hard..your not very bright are you?)i have LIVED in both the UK and OZZ and that is what i base my opinion on!!!!!surely you can get that through your cabbage of a head!!i have never visited Iraq or Bosnia so have nothing to say on that see at the end of the day mate i base my comments on experience while you base yours on..hearsay,you saw something on tv,in the paper,heard from somebody who spoke to somebody who thought they knew an ozzy!!!!come on mate sort yerself out!!!!!
your embarrasing yourself......!!

jarazinho Posted on 11/4 5:09
re: FAO SaltburnRed

you know what Salty??we have an expression down here when we hear people spouting shoite like you were earlier.....

"pigs arse"!!

now run along and watch one of your old tapes of "skippy"so you can continue molding that ridiculous opinion of Australia that you have..take your blinkers off and stop being a cokchead..

PNGfulham Posted on 11/4 5:24
re: FAO SaltburnRed


i didnt know he was a cokehead Jaraz.....

that explains a bit...

p.s. canyagetanygear

jarazinho Posted on 11/4 5:45
re: FAO SaltburnRed

going by some of his stupid,uneducated,ignorant comments...hes definately on something!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!apart from kebabs,lager and chips that is!!

SaltburnRed Posted on 11/4 6:41
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Well, you were right Obi, the drunken fool couldn't resist the Baloney joke but we knew that'd happen cos the moron can't think of anything else.

Hey, guess what Jarz, you're just so wrong yet again but then again you make a regular habit of it.Joking aside, I actually don't think Australia is a bad place at all, which I've said many times before but you were too busy thinking up more kebab jokes. It's not nearly as wonderful as this country or what the Aussies think it is but it has its merits. It's just not for me and the majority of the people I've met from there, with one or two major exceptions, have been odious, loud and pig ignorant. Before you ask, family connections mean I've met more than a few over the years. This isn't just a group of people being misinterpreted, this is the way these people came over. One bloke I met at Heathrow had at least a dozen whinges about this country before we'd left the airport and continued in that vein until he collapsed in a drunken stupor to huge applause later that night, at which point we left him and never saw him again. If I have an opinion on Aussies, it's only based on the people I've met.

I wonder if any of this will seep through that cranium of yours. I'm not hopeful and expect another "you've never travelled like me, you know nothing" type rant, the kind of which you bore me with so regularly.

PNGfulham Posted on 11/4 7:00
re: FAO SaltburnRed


what about your horse SBR......what abt your horse....

and also Mr balony breath.....

i find your comment about me being sexist very offensive and
totally untrue.........i treat every hooker i get in with the utmost respect.

SaltburnRed Posted on 11/4 7:06
re: FAO SaltburnRed

I think the stray horse had a fat Aussie on it and it threw him off after the first fence or it'd would've died. These nags know what's good for them.

jarazinho Posted on 11/4 7:16
re: FAO SaltburnRed

What were u doing at heathrow?..surely you wernt going anywhere!!

PNGfulham Posted on 11/4 7:26
re: FAO SaltburnRed


he was watching the aeroplanes take off in amazement

jarazinho Posted on 11/4 21:24
re: FAO SaltburnRed

must have been mate..coz we all know he doesnt go anywhere...probably one of those "planespotters"...with his parka and his blue peter badge...The Undertones wrote a song about him once..

SaltburnRed Posted on 12/4 7:17
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Jarz knows Undertones music ? You mean he doesn't just play his Angry Anderson and Jason Donovan collection over and over again ?

Obi1KenobiNil Posted on 12/4 19:44
re: FAO SaltburnRed

The last time Jarz went near Heathrow they kept him in quarantine for 3 months.

You know Jarz only has time for his Stefan Dennis collection and the odd blast of Mental As Anything.

jarazinho Posted on 12/4 23:16
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Saw the Udertones 5 times Salty in my youth..we used to go to Reading rock,Loch lomomd,Milton Keynes..etc...all over the place watching bands,Birmingham Odeon,Sheffield Top Rank,Newcastle city hall and Mayfair,Lyceum in london,Manchester Apollo...we used to hitch-hike to half of them.....

Saw AC/DC in Sydney..Brilliant!!....

-one of the best gigs i saw in ozz was "death in vegas" also New order and Joe Strummer.

-- Post edited by jarazinho on 12/4 23:19 ---

--- Post edited by jarazinho on 12/4 23:33 ---

jarazinho Posted on 12/4 23:23
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Obi-Baloney..actually the last time i was at Heathrow was November 2003..i had just got of a 24 hour flight from Ozz and thought to myself that i would grab a shower at Heathrow before getting the train to Northallerton...big mistake!!unlike Singapore,Sydney and most decent places i couldnt beleive the shyte hole they expected tourists to shower in(and pay for the privilage!)i was worried about catching the ebola viris..absolute toilet,disgrace..!!

PNGfulham Posted on 13/4 1:19
re: FAO SaltburnRed


there's something edible in a taxi
destination: SBR's hungry jaxy

hey jaraz.......u shud try the airport at Mumbai....

OM fkn G

--- Post edited by PNGfulham on 13/4 1:24 ---

--- Post edited by PNGfulham on 13/4 4:14 ---

jarazinho Posted on 13/4 3:46
re: FAO SaltburnRed

cant be worse than terminal 4 heathrow

PNGfulham Posted on 13/4 4:06
re: FAO SaltburnRed


if it is worse than the airport loos at Lae (PNG) airport
then it must be putrid...

was leaving Lae for Port M. one time and got to the airport
only to be told the plane was delayed for 5 hours....

had to do a massive S and went to the loo...

after stepping one foot into the "restroom" i was confronted with a dark room with no lights and a stench which was explained on further inspection by.....

about 6 cubicles with no doors......with
every toilet bowl overloaded with sheeeite....the walls were covered in sheeite.....the urinal was over flowing with pisss
and the floors were awash with a pasty mixture of sheeite and pisss...

a few locals used it over the course of the afternoon....

but i held on

jarazinho Posted on 13/4 6:36
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Malcolm Owen-The Ruts-Coatham Bowl...if ur in a rut you gotta get outta it..outta it..

SaltburnRed Posted on 13/4 6:47
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Thankfully you don't have to go to Heathrow to get to most places these days, Manchester is extending its number of flights to destinations all over the world all the time although not sure you can get a flight to Oz from there.

Only really need to travel to see either big stadium gigs or really small time gigs these days cos most of the major bands play the Telewest Arena. Wife is a major Bon Jovi fan, has been for years, so we've had to get around from Manchester, Glasgow and Milton Keynes over the last few years cos the last time they played up here was years ago at Gateshead. Manchester and Glasgow were fine cos we went in the car but we had to get a coach to Milton Keynes and we got caught up at the end and missed the thing home. Wife refused to hitch a ride so we rang a mate from Bedford and had to chuck him petrol money and a bit extra to run us home.

It has to be said that the miles I've put in to see bands over the years just doesn't compare with the miles to see Boro play. A Wednesday night in the back of a van that's hardly roadworthy, going to Brighton to see a League Cup 2nd Round 2nd Leg match when we're already 5-0 up from the first leg. What the hell was I thinking ?

jarazinho Posted on 13/4 6:50
re: FAO SaltburnRed

6 hours on a bus to Carrow road to watch Boro..0-0...that was a highlight ive not forgotton....

jarazinho Posted on 13/4 6:53
re: FAO SaltburnRed

were quite lucky down here for gig venues..we only have 2 "arenas" 12,000 plus..the others about 5 of them are real cool venues that take about 2-5000...saw massive attack,chemical bros,stranglers,Oasis at small venues,was great...BDO (the big day out"is now officially out of control,it tours NZ and Ozz but unfurtunately crowds in places like Sydney are around 40,000,hot,utter chaos...

SaltburnRed Posted on 13/4 7:01
re: FAO SaltburnRed

They should take notice of the way the likes of Glastonbury and The V Festival are done, organisation has improved no end in recent years and we're talking a serious amount of people here. Actually i don't think they're doing Glasto next year cos Michael Eavis has told the locals he'll give them a break for a year from all the distruption the festival causes for months either side of it. V tickets will be even more like golddust.

jarazinho Posted on 13/4 7:05
re: FAO SaltburnRed

yea but ive been reading plenty about Glasto recentley...plenty of people are saying that its now like going to a "BT cocktail party"..jointley sponsored by Tescos...have the corporates taken it over???ive never been only Reading Rock 79,the police,Motorhead,Cheap Trick,cure etc..down on the national bus,pitch tent..hey ho lets tent stolen..slept in plastic bag for 3 nights!

--- Post edited by jarazinho on 13/4 7:06 ---

SaltburnRed Posted on 13/4 7:11
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Never actually been myself but I've got cousins and mates who go every year and they enjoy it although maybe it does have a bit of a corporate image these days. Last festival I went to was Donnington Monsters Of Rock which bit the dust in the 90's, great days indeed. Actually there's a music festival in the Boro every year which I thought would be a bit of a joke at first. I was pleasently surprised at how good it is though and how well it's organised although the main stage is a bit of a no go area if you don't want to be flattened by teenagers on skateboards throwing themselves at each other in a half drunken stupor.

PNGfulham Posted on 13/4 7:11
re: FAO SaltburnRed


i saw a direstraights concert in Tassie in the 80's and u couldnt see the stage from 100 feet due to the cloud of chuff in the air...

the music and sex was ok tho

--- Post edited by PNGfulham on 13/4 7:14 ---

jarazinho Posted on 13/4 7:14
re: FAO SaltburnRed

PNG..remember when we went to see Placebo..and you thought that u were mugged by some aboriginies???you dopey git..

SaltburnRed Posted on 13/4 7:16
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Did Knopfler enjoy the sex too ? PNG, a Dire Straits groupie!!

jarazinho Posted on 13/4 7:20
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Sultans of Swing......all time classic..

PNGfulham Posted on 13/4 7:22
re: FAO SaltburnRed


dont tell it was u who flooged it?

do u owe me 13 little ones after all these years?????

thts A on piccy 2

the table is at silly mid on as u can see

thts why i am not there next to A....

hiding down at deep fine leg in the corner...

SaltburnRed Posted on 13/4 7:54
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Translation please. PNG, please make sure you put your words in the right order, it helps us non-drug users to understand.

--- Post edited by SaltburnRed on 13/4 7:56 ---

PNGfulham Posted on 13/4 8:23
re: FAO SaltburnRed


just re-read it.....

and i have no idea what i was trying to say

does that help at all...?

if u follow the link and think out of the sq
u may get a little piece of info on me...just dont try 2 hard

jarazinho Posted on 13/4 21:22
re: FAO SaltburnRed


PNGfulham Posted on 13/4 23:30
re: FAO SaltburnRed


he's still working on it...

i told him to give up if he hasnt got anywhere by

Jan 2010.

we should hear back from him about the turn of the decade...

PNGfulham Posted on 13/4 23:45
re: FAO SaltburnRed


raining hard here....

all comms abt to go down.........

beep beep _________________________________________________

jarazinho Posted on 14/4 2:15
re: FAO SaltburnRed

come in..can u hear me?

PNGfulham Posted on 14/4 6:28
re: FAO SaltburnRed


rain has stopped...


now lets get down to business........

(i feel 1/2 human again after decent lunch at good korean resturant.....beef dish washed down with copious lashings of rum in an beautiful camel smoke filled ambiance)

yes back from the dead jaraz......

now salty...

there are 2 ways to work out my codes...

a) if sober...try and think a little...--just a little lateral----
outside of the horse and cart and the saltburn breakers and beyond your disorientated horse etc etc

if that fails, then yes, you are correct .. try plan b..

b) have a this order....6 beers.....10 double rum and cokes.....(at the same time now you have had 1/2 pack of smokes) ...then cuppla cones....then the code should appear like one of those stoopid fuzzy pictures which u stare at for 90 seconds and finally u see an elephant rooting a giraff on top of the roof....

if all that still fails you....whack a bunch of betel nuts up your asre and pray like hell

i'll be thinking of you

jarazinho Posted on 14/4 6:31
re: FAO SaltburnRed

PNG..have you been chuffing at lunch??????

SaltburnRed Posted on 14/4 7:00
re: FAO SaltburnRed

I think this is just him being normal. Had a gander at your site PNG, trying to work out if you're in the photos. Big fat bloke in the front and a porker on the mike in the first photo, could either of these be you by any chance. Later photos showed a group of pissed, slightly aggressive looking blokes who might well be threatening to punch the photographers face in so any of these could be you also.

PNGfulham Posted on 15/4 0:48
re: FAO SaltburnRed


i wasnt in any of them actually.....

i was having a bad hair day so i shunned the papparazzi

jarazinho Posted on 15/4 0:52
re: FAO SaltburnRed

morning mate..

PNGfulham Posted on 15/4 2:46
re: FAO SaltburnRed


hi there...

absolutely blowing a gale here...

they call it the Guba....

its abt 40/50 knots with heavy rain...

from the room here i have a great view of the squalls
shooting accross the harbour and thru the little penisular out to the coral sea....

i'm gunna go down at lunch and tie my hobie cat down if it hasnt
flown off already.....(then maybe reward myself for job well down in the RPYC bar) ....

whats up 4 w/e?

jarazinho Posted on 15/4 4:01
re: FAO SaltburnRed

well past two weekends have been far to busy..quiet one planned tomorrow..take Jade to the beach..couple schooners@ the ristle..Sas is going to visit april and lucy..

Obi1KenobiNil Posted on 15/4 7:57
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Sticking to just the one Babysham this week then Jarz ? Probably for the best.

PNGfulham Posted on 15/4 8:12
re: FAO SaltburnRed


balony...where the Fk have u been...

we were worried sick.......

you have probably been placed on washing and vacuuming duties for the past week
after the missus saw the unexplained 200 pound bill from the vet even tho you dont have any pets....

jarazinho Posted on 17/4 23:57
re: FAO SaltburnRed

good one baloney how is your stand up routine going at the Brambles Farm hotel??

PNGfulham Posted on 18/4 0:34
re: FAO SaltburnRed


not good unfortunately.....

they got sick of him doing his penis puppert mimes...

he doesnt realise that with a 2 inch weiner and 1 (blue) nut he really shud get into a different industry...

jarazinho Posted on 18/4 5:29
re: FAO SaltburnRed

Hawaiian triathlon world cup....

Women....Australia first,second and third.....not bad.
Men....England first....Australia third......

--- Post edited by jarazinho on 18/4 5:30 ---

SaltburnRed Posted on 18/4 6:39
re: FAO SaltburnRed

As you sadly discovered eh PNG ?