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Glen_Tilbrook Posted on 5/12 21:46
My 12 year marriage is over

Anyone want to help me celebrate my misery?

jd1973 Posted on 5/12 21:48
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Sorry to hear it - take it the other half finished it and you are not happy about it?

Glen_Tilbrook Posted on 5/12 21:49
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Yep, got it in one.

The battle is on.

davo44 Posted on 5/12 21:50
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Oh well if you cant hack it with the ladies you could always try one of those new gay marriages

MsCurly Posted on 5/12 21:51
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Ah Glen, sorry hon.

Try and stay strong.

Glen_Tilbrook Posted on 5/12 21:51
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Think I'd rather be with a jawdee than another bloke.

littlejimmy Posted on 5/12 21:53
re: My 12 year marriage is over

But it's a close call!

tees_tug Posted on 5/12 21:56
re: My 12 year marriage is over

12 years wasn't bad going. What bits did you fail on?

Glen_Tilbrook Posted on 5/12 21:56
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Thank Ms Curly, some people on here may realise that I'm not the strongest person mentally and I'm going to need every little bit of support I can get.

littlejimmy Posted on 5/12 21:58
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Sorry if that remark was out of place. Humour isn't always the answer.

tees_tug Posted on 5/12 22:02
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Don't turn to drink Glen. Many do and regret it.

jd1973 Posted on 5/12 22:02
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Glen,
If she is incapable of making the marriage work then the issues lie with her and not with you. If that's the case then whatever you do, think of it as her problem, not yours.
Do you have any children?

tees_tug Posted on 5/12 22:04
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Take no notice of Jimmy, I don't think he realises when he is being horrid to people. I know from experience, but still upsets me sometimes.

littlejimmy Posted on 5/12 22:08
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Unbelievable.

tees_tug Posted on 5/12 22:11
re: My 12 year marriage is over

See what I mean?

Glen_Tilbrook Posted on 5/12 22:12
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Yeah jd, two 8 and 6.

Can't even consider celebrating Xmas now. I know it's not fair on my kids but the presents we've got them are from Santa still.

Can't help wondering where I've gone wrong, and why did I open my big gob last week.

Drink, well it isn't the answer but it's the only way I'll sleep tonight.

littlejimmy Posted on 5/12 22:12
re: My 12 year marriage is over

.
Sorry Glen. I hope you find the strength to get through this.

--- Post edited by littlejimmy on 5/12 22:18 ---

XXLshirts_fit_all Posted on 5/12 22:16
re: My 12 year marriage is over

this is where the pair of you need to take it off this thread and start your own.

dont worry glen, you always got the boro to cheer you up

MsCurly Posted on 5/12 22:17
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Glen, don't dwell on 'last week' too much. These things brew up and if she decided it was over then last week probably wasn't the reason, just the point at which she decided to speak up.

Although you probably feel like your world is falling apart right now, just try and keep it together for those kids, who will still need their Dad as much as they ever did.

jd1973 Posted on 5/12 22:17
re: My 12 year marriage is over

I know it sounds like a cliche but you've got to stay strong for your kids.

I was 2 years old when my parents split up, and I suffered for years after being told my dad wasn't bothered about me. I also felt the odd one out as I was the only kid at school whose parents were divorced - I used to lie and tell everyone they were still together.

You don't know how it affects them as they are superb at hiding things - I'm 32 now and have only ever told my wife that, not my parents.

What happened last week when you "opened your big gob"?

tees_tug Posted on 5/12 22:18
re: My 12 year marriage is over

A couple of pints is fine Glen, just don't be tempted to buy spirits. If you are like me, I don't know when to stop with those bottles.

Take it steady.

AtomicLoonybin Posted on 5/12 22:21
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Well, I feel for you, I really do, and especially your kids.

But if it happened to me, I'm not sure I'd go announcing it and having debates on internet message boards. You'll get the sympathy, but you'll also get the loony toons that will upset you even more.

Some things are best kept private and between friends, I think.

Sorry, just the way I see it.

littlejimmy Posted on 5/12 22:23
re: My 12 year marriage is over

I know where you're coming from ALB, but sometimes this is a good place to turn to, especially since you get impartial views from people without vested interests in the situation. It can be a good forum for letting off steam and relieving stress.

roswell Posted on 5/12 22:24
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Sad news Glen.

I've been through it and I'm still coming out of the other side.

Hope you can get things sorted without too much hassle and like everyone else says make sure you're there for the kids.

Glen_Tilbrook Posted on 5/12 22:27
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Thnaks all.

ALB appreciate your sentiments but this board has been a big part of my life for the last 5 years and at the moment I'm grasping for any help I can get. I've seen a lot of people get help over the years on here and now I need it. It's keeping my slightly sane at the moment being able to talk about it. It's public but not in the same sense if you can grasp what I mean.

Spartakus Posted on 5/12 22:27
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Concentrate on the kids mate. They need you more than ever now.

And try and avoid overdoing it on the alcohol. It really doesn't make thing better come the next day.

Good luck

borokaza Posted on 5/12 22:32
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Sorry to hear that things are tough at the moment Glen, but as the others have said, stay stong for the kids and try and keep things as normal as possible for them. But also be honest with them, it's amazing what they can accept as long as your honest with them.
I've been through it myself, and even when it's what you want it's a horrible time but things can get better. Honest!
Good luck

joeboltons Posted on 5/12 22:54
re: My 12 year marriage is over

I split up with my wife in 1997 after 7 years.We have 2 kids, at the time 2 and 4.
I now have a very limited relationship with my kids, not helped by the fact they live 270 miles away.
It is ( up to now ) the biggest regret in my life.
If I can offer one piece of advice, its this.
No matter how you feel about your wife now, you are unlikely to feel the same in 5 or 10 years time.However, anything harsh you say or do now will be remembered in 5-10 years.Never criticise your partner in front of your kids.Do not use them as weapons, or allow them to be used as such.
Maintain regular contact, if this is difficult utilise one of your family members who has a good relationship with her, to do so.
Do not quiz your kids on there Mams comings and goings.Do not call her when your drunk.
I cant turn back the clock back, but please mate , dont make the same mistakes as me.

Boro85 Posted on 5/12 22:58
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Really sorry to hear it Glen, hope things all work out for the best, not just for you but for the kids as well. Theres always support on this here site if you ever need it mate. Chin up.

Glen_Tilbrook Posted on 5/12 23:04
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Cheers once again everybody.

My boss has phoned me and said the same. I was phoning in sick as I will be useless at work, but he insists that I come in. He's been through it all and has been a rock for the last week.

As I've said I don't have the mental strength (never had it) to cope with things like this.

I need as much help and support from my family and extended family (ie the board) at the moment.

onthemap Posted on 5/12 23:07
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Glen
Ive been through it under very similar circumstances.2 kids 7 and 4.and a wife who thought the grass was greener etc.
What I can say with certainty is that it is possible for you and the kids to come out relatively unscathed.
It may not be much comfort now but things do get better with time,chances are some of the things that at the moment seem so unlikely (like meeting someone else etc) will happen whether you plan them or not.
Your kids will prove to be a lot more resiliant than you could imagine and it will surprise you how they adapt.

Try to keep in the back of your mind that being a dad to your kids doesnt stop with divorce.
You will no doubt find that they want to see you more and more as time goes on.
Good luck mate.

comfortable_shoes Posted on 5/12 23:07
re: My 12 year marriage is over

I am so very sorry to hear that mate, listen, tell me to bog off if you like, but if you fancy going for a drink one lunchtime for a chat in the Boro, I'm game, think you still have my email addy.

Grumpy_Paul Posted on 5/12 23:23
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Never been and hope never to go there so I can't say I know how you feel but I do wish the best for all involved whatever that best may be.

Buggerlugs Posted on 5/12 23:29
re: My 12 year marriage is over

I think onthemap said it brilliantly. Hope it all works out as best it can Glen.

Glen_Tilbrook Posted on 5/12 23:43
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Once again, thanks to everyone.

Onthemap, your words echo the same as my boss who has phoned me tonight and kept my mind focused.

Comfy, I've no access to my emails at home, but you can get me at my username at the h.com Would like to talk/meet you.

I've been struggling fot the last week and tonight was the final nail in the coffin.

Once again thanks and it just proves this board is more than football. I'll be around until I pass out I suppose.

Gillandi Posted on 5/12 23:47
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Sorry to hear it Glen. Stick at it my friend.

blondie_dcfc Posted on 5/12 23:58
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Hey you - so sorry to hear - chin up chuck. Gonna be very hard for you in the coming weeks/months but I've every confidence that you will come thro' this cos of the good mates you have personally and those on here. This msg board's posters never cease to amaze me how caring and ompassionate folk are - also how forthright and spot-on their advice is!

Take care
blondie.dcfc
X

--- Post edited by blondie_dcfc on 5/12 23:58 ---

ashybillcroft Posted on 6/12 0:25
re: My 12 year marriage is over

It's hard but you will get over it sooner or later and until you reach that point try to keep yourself sane and of course sober. Your kids will be a help.

Timboi Posted on 6/12 2:37
re: My 12 year marriage is over

This stuff is never nice.
However sometimes you have to call a spade a spade. If it looks like it's over properly, then you need to let it go. It's not easy but you have to look at the situation for what it really is. Once you can do that, you'll realise there's no point in wasting energy on stuff you can't change.
There's only forward. . . .

The_Commisar Posted on 6/12 7:15
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Glen
went through something similar a few years back, at the time, it was awful, horrible.
Then one morning I looked in the mirrow and thought "I can die on my knees or die on my feet"...somehow you do not strike me as someone who will die on their knees.

This "place" can be like a bear pit at times, but I know that there are a lot of good people here as well, sure no one will object if I say "pop round any time, take your shoes off and have a cyber mug of coffee"


There is a bright side to all this................your not a makem.

--- Post edited by The_Commisar on 6/12 7:17 ---

keithadams11 Posted on 6/12 7:48
re: My 12 year marriage is over

glen
i know we dont know each other but can i offer you some advice you say you dont feel like celebrating christmas but it will be better for you ifyou do and see your kids no matter what you are going through i bet they can put a smile on your face.

a very close friend of mine is going through the sam with a 15 year marriage his 2 kids are of similar ages but his wife has told the eldest its all his fault so now his only son wont even talk to him and its completely destroyed him. please dont let the same happen here spoil your kids for christmas let them know you love them.

also i dont know how many people on here come from homes where the parents have divorced but as an 8 year old i bet he/she is thinking its all there fault and are hurting more than you reallise, reassure them and make sure they know that it isnt there fault and that you love them just as much as you always have.

as said earlier its her issues that have got in the way of the marriage and you never know she may just need some time to work things through in her head i know you both are probably not talking but ask her if she wants to spend a weekend away on a break and you have the kids and then vice versa give you both some time to relax and think.

hope this helps mate

keith

chalky99 Posted on 6/12 8:05
re: My 12 year marriage is over

glen
going through the same thing at the moment. got a daughter 12 who is a rock to me, never down in front of me but don't know what's going on in her head. unlike you this was my fault so i am just racked with guilt but like you i am also mentally weak. can't say i have never thought of doing something stupid but thinking of my daughter has always stopped me. she seems ok doing well at school and she has just been selected for the england netball academy so like someone else said maybe they do handle it well, nearly 2 years now and unfortunately it does'nt seem to get much better. stick in pal.

piggy_nichol Posted on 6/12 8:09
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Glen, I went through all this a few years ago, although my kids were a fair bit younger.

I think the most important thing is to keep the relationship going with your kids. This might be harder than you think, your ex may wish to move somewhere else, she might want to play happy families with her new man.

You need to do whatever it takes to see them, take them overnight every weekend, friday and saturday if you can, during the week too if possible. Make it so that she sees the benefits to her in you spending time with your kids. That way she should be keener to keep you involved. It might seem unfair that she gets to go out on a weekend whilst you dont but that may be what it takes.

I stopped going to the match for 3 or 4 years as my kids were too young for it and we were doing kid stuff instead.

Your relationship with your ex should get easier in time which will improve things.

newbouldsporkpies Posted on 6/12 9:53
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Mate, I am in the same boat as you. Happened about a month ago.

Make sure you keep your mates and family around you, mine have been great and I can't even begin to think what I would be doing without them.

I'm starting to see that the future can still be bright. Totally different to what I was expecting but bright all the same.

I wish it wasn't Chrismas time though. Not that there's ever a good time for this kind of thing.

Good luck and all the best.

FW_2 Posted on 6/12 10:04
re: My 12 year marriage is over

I'm very sorry to hear this Glen. Take care of yourself and your children. There are lots of people on here willing you on through the hard times ahead.

ayresomeangel365 Posted on 6/12 12:44
re: My 12 year marriage is over

happened to me after 17 years....crap at the time...okay now

I managed to keep the family home on and worked out great for the 3 kids
dont drink too much and a new bit of stuff made a massive difference
best of luck...and keep smiling!!...works wonders!!

ccole Posted on 6/12 13:11
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Just because two people become incompatible, doesnít make either a bad person, just different. Different goals, ideals and values. None right than the other. There only right is there right for that person.

The worse is over, and things will get better with time. JoeBoltons advice seems good.

What ever happens, keep you head up son.

Life is for living, not regretting. Donít stop moving on.

grantus Posted on 6/12 13:37
re: My 12 year marriage is over

There's a lot of advice on here already Glen, so I'm not going to offer any. Suffice to say this.

I sympathise with you, I really do.

My folks split up this year after 40 years of marraige, 40 years. They are now in their late 60's and they stayed together for so long quite possibly in part because of the child (me). I know, as do they, that they should have split up 20 years ago, rather than have a miserable marraige for so long. The future is a little scary for the both of them, but there is a future.

I guess my point is that no matter how hard you try, some things just aren't meant to be. You sounds very low at the moment, but people are by nature resiliant, people dust themselves down from such personal tragedies and pick themselves up all the time.

You're not alone in this experience, you're not the first, nor will you be the last.

Your children will need you.

Good luck Glen.

delier1908 Posted on 6/12 13:48
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Glen,

Like a lot of people, I have experienced the same this year. There is no one-size-fits-all advice. All peoples break ups are different. You may get back together, you may not. You may end up happy, she may not or vice versa. Follow what you believe in, don't get angry with her, it drives her further towards what she is running towards. Do get counselling and medication, it helps a lot. Lean on your friends. Do not lean on your kids for support, they are hurting too. But above all else THE DRINK WILL GET YOU TO SLEEP AND WAKE YOU UP EARLY. IT WILL DEPRESS YOU AND TAKE AWAY YOUR CONFIDENCE. STAY AWAY FROM IT FOR A MUCH QUICKER SOLUTION. I can say all this as it is my experience and some of it very much to my cost. If you want her back, fight for her with love and understanding. I hope it works for you.

bandito Posted on 6/12 13:50
re: My 12 year marriage is over

sad news. Chin up fella and definitely forget the ale. Reserve that for nights out with the lads. Make a decent cuppa instead and stick a Boro video on. You'll have a new bird in no time.

fabrika Posted on 6/12 13:52
re: My 12 year marriage is over

get some mick mills doon yer gregory, get down the empire on satdee night and pull some 17 yr old little sort


larvvly

Nedkat Posted on 6/12 14:03
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Went through this 15 years ago, son aged 10, daughter aged 5. To say it was horrendous is an understatement, this will take you down quicker than Joan Collins. But, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, and that light happens to be the rest of your life. I'm much happier now, much happier. The children from my previous marriage suffered the break up of their Mam and Dad, and I'll always regret that. You'll live the next year in a whirlywind of emotions and expenses. Once yer through that, you can gather yer thoughts, give yer head a shake, and start to live once again. Stay close to your own family, whatever happens, they will always be there for you.

I sincerely hope you'll come out the other side of this a much better person. Stronger and more capable of handling and enjoying your life. All the very best, and remember ... drink doesn't really help, but it sure does round off the edges for the first few months. Then your gonna need your senses to hang onto anything you possibly can .. Good Luck !!

swanleyred Posted on 6/12 14:07
re: My 12 year marriage is over

sorry to hear your news. My wife walked out on me on christmas eve 2000 after 9 years together. It hurt like hell and it will you time to recover. I recall people telling me time is a great healer and although it did not help at the time it does get better I promise. You will recover from this and rebuild your life. I am getting married on 30 December and have a baby daughter, did not seem possible at the time.

shaun_84 Posted on 6/12 14:18
re: My 12 year marriage is over

I enjoyed meeting you in some very cliquey dr brown's End of Season job a few season's back. You were upbeat and a happy bloke. Although you won't be like that right now, that was you, and that's how you'll be again eventually whatever the new circumstances are. It'll be good meeting you again. All the best, regular_reader.

delier1908 Posted on 6/12 15:05
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Also listen to Pink Floyd, 'Coming Back To Life' a lot and believe it.

dangermoose Posted on 6/12 15:14
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Just read all the posts on here and i must say everyone on here has given glen fantastic advice. I believe you have done the right thing talking to people about it mate.please read there thoughts and take them on board. Hope everything turns out ok for you fella, And your family. Best Wishes.

mickbrown Posted on 6/12 15:18
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Blimey - must say I'm surprised at the numbers who have had to go through this. Good news is that most of you seem to come through the other side, but does make you think why do we bother.

Nedkat Posted on 6/12 16:14
re: My 12 year marriage is over

I bothered because when I first met her, and got to know her, I was smitten / in love and married because we were sure at the time that we would be together thru thick and thin. 10 years later, she had turned into a social climbing overspending drain, and I was working very hard to sustain her over-indulgences. It became a wedge in between us, I hated her for her selfishness, and her need to control everything. She probably hated me because I told her so at every opportunity. The children were my major concern, and I decided they shouldn't have to live their young lives surrounded by so much crap and anger. That's why I bailed out, and although leaving those kids broke my heart forever, I still believe it was the right thing to do.

delier1908 Posted on 6/12 16:15
re: My 12 year marriage is over

In reply to mickbrown, for those who have read this and not gone through it, learn from us, and value every day with your family. Cherish your partner and kids. Never go to sleep on an argument. You just never know if you will have to face this heartbreak.

DybuksChampion Posted on 6/12 16:29
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Yeeesh - cheery thread.

Couldn't imagine going through what you are Glen. Most have been through break ups of some form or another in the past, I have myself with a girlfriend of many years but to break up with your wife when you have kids must be devastating.

I don't have advice for you but I know If I went through the same that I'd want to do everything in my power to spend as much time as possible with my daughter. I'd give up everything for that.

Here's to you coming through the other side and I hope you manage to hang on to everything you want to.

comfortable_shoes Posted on 6/12 16:31
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Glen, will email you this evening and sort something out for next week when I'm in the area, I'm presuming you live in the Boro, if not we can sort something out. Chin up mate and don't go to mad on the drink.

--- Post edited by comfortable_shoes on 6/12 16:37 ---

shaun_84 Posted on 6/12 16:33
re: My 12 year marriage is over

I'd also say, to not feel guilty or bad about yourself for having a drink either

B_Hills Posted on 6/12 16:36
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Glen we also met on one of the Fmttm nights out, having been through it myself, i know what you are going through, If you need some sun on your back mate, you are welcome over here anytime , Lots of good advice on here the best being "the bottle will not cure it" Take care mate and the offer of my place is genuine.

comfortable_shoes Posted on 6/12 16:39
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Actually, I'm fookin off from our lass too soon B_Hills, so if I send you the flight details, will you meet me at the airport?

the_thread_needler Posted on 6/12 16:41
re: My 12 year marriage is over

is she still a social climbing overspending drain Ned? or do you have nowt to do with her?

Just wondering as my wife has a propensity to spend more than I earn which makes life difficult.

B_Hills Posted on 6/12 16:42
re: My 12 year marriage is over

I have a feeling Portugal is not quite ready for you mate LOL

Nedkat Posted on 6/12 16:47
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Thread, she's someone elses drain now ! TFFT ... She remarried, and they live in Sunderland. She still thinks credit cards are free and don't have to be paid back. She still thinks she should move in circles way above her financial capacity. She still thinks she can pay for large parties of people to attend big swaris at expensive localities. Her new husband actually called me one day, to ask me what he should do to deal with her spending and her tantrums. I told him to put his coat on, and walk away, don't stop until you feel safe.
Be careful with the overspending wife, it can drop you into a whole world of hurting. Have a sit down, non emotional chat with her, and explain where you are financially, and explain where you'll end up if she continues on the 'money grows on trees' budget plan.

starbecksmoggy2 Posted on 6/12 16:48
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Glen.Having gone through a situation just the same earlier this year(and loosing my dad at the same time)I've got to tell you keep your'e chin up,keep talking to people,socialise a bit more ( you don't have to drink)keep yourself occupied,try not to dwell too much on the past.I'm coming through the bad bit now and I'm starting to look forward a lot more.It takes time bud,but there's allways light at the end of the tunnel,there's allways youre family but most of all there's friends.Anyhow if your'e going to the game on Thursday I'll buy you a pint in the Nops beforehand (there's not many people in Harrogate had a pint off me,never mind Boro)

AyresomeAvenger Posted on 6/12 16:52
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Sorry to hear it mate. I'm sure you will come out the other side a stronger happier person than ever. I'm a firm believer that the downs of life make you appreciate the ups - like a roller-coaster you have to have one to operate the other.

blondie_dcfc Posted on 6/12 17:23
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Enuff of this mushy and sensible pap - he's only looking for his first 100+ thread!

blondie.dcfc
X

Glen_Tilbrook Posted on 6/12 17:36
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Just got in from work via my counsellor and what can I say. I've got tears in my eyes reading this and proved I was right to post last night, I never imagined that I'd get the response that I have from you all.

The advice and support from you all is amazing and I will print it off and read it reguarly.

I can appreciate that things aren't going to be easy for me but they cannot get any worse than they are now.

Thank you all very much, and my faith in human mankind is being healed by everything said on here.

My world was pulled from under me last night, but now I have hope.

Once again thanks....

Cheers for that Blondie I can honestly say that it never even occured to me and if it not only helps me but others then it can't be a bad thing.

--- Post edited by Glen_Tilbrook on 6/12 17:41 ---

Nedkat Posted on 6/12 17:41
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Good luck with it all, Glen. Keep a stiff upper lip, and a straight back. You'll be laughing again before you know it.

I see you've been invited to the Algarve to stop at B_Hills gaff. I'd invite you to Florida, but MsCurly and Comfortable Shoes are currently sharing the guest room. I've never seen so many pairs of patterned tights ...

bandito Posted on 6/12 17:43
re: My 12 year marriage is over

and another thing, watch plenty of football, that should keep your mind occupied for a while longer

The_Commisar Posted on 6/12 18:02
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Glen
it's what we do


after all, after all, as Boro fans, we all know about counselling and compassion...................

Glen_Tilbrook Posted on 6/12 18:15
re: My 12 year marriage is over

I plan to get plenty of footy watched now, and take myself away from the situation I find myself in.

Commy, believe me this is worse than supporting the Boro for a rollercoaster ride, I should be an expert at Alton Towers next year after all of this.

I may even ask Boateng_7 for advice on some entertainment tips

--- Post edited by Glen_Tilbrook on 6/12 18:16 ---

OPEO Posted on 6/12 18:39
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Glen, my memory is crap. Are you, were you Mr Trimble?

Glen_Tilbrook Posted on 6/12 18:46
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Opeo, one and the same mate.

Nedkat Posted on 6/12 18:50
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Have you thought about where your going to live ? Leave before the lawyers get involved, and take as much as you can with you. After the scavengers have got their claws in, you'll be lucky if you get away with a friggin' T spoon. I know, I was away from home in the Navy when my marriage ended, all I got was some clothes in a black plastic bin-liner, and a 13 inch TV that needed fixing.

Take everything you can, but make sure those kids will be OK. You also need a place where you can see them on weekends etc. There's an awful lot to think about .....

--- Post edited by Nedkat on 6/12 18:54 ---

Glen_Tilbrook Posted on 6/12 18:57
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Ned, I'm at my mothers at the moment and looks like I will be for the foreseeable, at least I'm in easy touching distance of the kids.

I've already had discussion with the wife and let her know that I am not going to be taken for a mug. There are a few issues that need to be sorted, but have told her that I'm not going to work just to keep her happy.

Was supposed to be going round earlier to take more of my gear, but can't face being in the house I've put a lot of effort into. Maybe later in the week and I'll have most of my gear and my own pc here with me.

trev_seniior Posted on 6/12 18:57
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Keep your pecker up, Glenda




we'll get you that ton yet

OPEO Posted on 6/12 19:02
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Well Glen, I walked back to the Boro from a game with you probably a couple of years ago and we gave each other our usernames. Very amiable and friendly is how I'd describe you. Hope you get yourself sorted mate. I've just surpassed 28 years and still counting so can't imagine how it is for you.Chin up.

Nedkat Posted on 6/12 19:03
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Everything will work out, Glen. Trying times, but you need to look at what's ahead, plan carefully, and look after yourself.

Sorry to sound flip, but I had to laugh the other day, when I was talking to me brother. He told me a mutual friend had broken up with his missus, and I was very suprised 'cos I thought they were chums for life. This bloke moves into the "granny flat" they have attached to their house. Studio type apartment thingy. He moves in, gets a 32 inch tele, Sky Sports, fridge full of beer. Now, he's happy as a pig in shyt and they can't get him out of there.

Glen_Tilbrook Posted on 6/12 19:07
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Cheers Opeo.

Yeah I remember it well and the discussion that we had on here about the worst road system on Teesside.

Trev, you cheeky git. I'm not out for that ton, would rather do a decent thread to get that. I'd be happy as long as it gets deleted at 99 as long as I've got that print out.

At least I can go back to listening to my crap 80's music in peace now.

Glen_Tilbrook Posted on 6/12 19:16
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Ned, that would be idea of heaven. Just throw a a lusty busty babe and I would be in paradise.

I would love it if I won the lottery on wednesday.

Buggerlugs Posted on 6/12 19:19
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Thats not fair. If i had known it was going to get printed out I would have written something funny or more insightful.

MsCurly Posted on 6/12 19:22
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Did someone mention lusty, busty babe?

blondie_dcfc Posted on 6/12 21:37
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Curly - trust you!

p.s. Not many more to go now......
blondie.dcfc
X

swordtrombonefish Posted on 6/12 22:13
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Crikey - really sorry Glen, I have no experience of this and feel that I could offer no worthwhile advice except to reiterate a lot of the sentiment above.

Stay strong for you and the kids, they will need you more as this unfolds and especially now at this time of year, be the best Santa any kid could wish for.

You will grow stronger and fate will deal you another hand, I hope it all pans out for you.

On another note, I am staggered by the number of people who have been through this on the board, and their resillience in coming out of it with words of hope for others!

{PPS: Curly - you vixen!]

Glen_Tilbrook Posted on 6/12 23:15
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Ms Curly, I am just crying out for a decent woman at the moment, but my experiences tell me different - they are very hard to find, lusty or busty are not on my priority list, I just need someone who appreciates me for who I am. I am an honest bloke who is willing to help anyone in need.

I've also just got in from the pub and talking to my best mate who deserves a better mate than I can be at the moment.

T0O1O2N Posted on 6/12 23:20
My 12 year marriage is over

Our 12 year marriage is over.

Spot the difference Glen.

Now you could shag a ham sandwich.

Could it all be about you son?

Before you repeat the same mistake... try... I know it's gonna be hard, but try to be objective, and look at all the reasons you screwed up.

Then ask yourself. Do I want to give all my unlearned problems to some other poor unsuspecting wench?

If the answer is yes, you will fail with a capital F

MsCurly Posted on 6/12 23:28
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Glen honey...just trying to give you a little smile.

I've never been through a divorce, having never been married in the first place, but one thing I do know is this.

People need time to heal. I wouldn't even think about relationships yet. I would definitely endorse going out and having a good old flirt, it's wonderful for the self-esteem. You can't bring anything to a relationship yet but heartache and insecurity.

Just realise, that thousands of people go through this everyday, and most of them feel like you do now, you WILL find happiness hon, but you need to give yourself the time to heal in order to know where that happiness lies.

Oh......and don't worry about your friend. He probably doesn't care whether you're a good friend to him or not right now, I'm sure he's rather more concerned with being a good friend to you.

--- Post edited by MsCurly on 6/12 23:35 ---

guyb Posted on 6/12 23:32
re: My 12 year marriage is over

All the best mate.

You Shall Overcome.

Max_Headroom Posted on 6/12 23:38
re: My 12 year marriage is over

T0O1ON, Are yer taking the pish? Arent you just some little jawdee troll???

Leave the fella alone

blondie_dcfc Posted on 6/12 23:55
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Only 6 more to go - make it happen people!

blondie.dcfc
X

Glen_Tilbrook Posted on 7/12 0:41
re: My 12 year marriage is over

toon you are an out and out fkin vvwanker. If I could see you at the moment I would happily kick your knin head in and I'm not a violent person.

Grumpy_Paul Posted on 7/12 1:11
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Glen.

'I've also just got in from the pub and talking to my best mate who deserves a better mate than I can be at the moment.'

Not the way foreword pal.
That's what best mates are for at times, to listen to people in positions like you're in and to be there for them. You do deserve to have him as a mate, Surely you'll be there for him in times of need. Nowt wrong with having a shoulder to cry on.

Initial impact of situation is still hitting you but you will soon have to take stock and decide what is the way ahead for you.

I truly hope you can all make the best of a horrid situation.
Time to get pragmatic and deal with things (easier said than done)
Good luck mate, I hope it works out for you

Lisbonlegend Posted on 7/12 1:32
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Sorry to hear that Glenn.

I'm no expert having never been married or had kids but I have had a pretty painful break up and I know what a toll it can take. My first advice would definitely be to keep your family close. Try and keep yourself occupied and I know it probably sounds daft but try and exercise if you can cos it'll get rid of some of that pent up frustration, improve your self esteem, give you something to occupy your mind and help you see things more clearly.

It works for me anyway. There'll be hard times ahead mate but stay strong and you'll come out the other side eventually.

pisces Posted on 7/12 1:48
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Never met you Glen, but all the best anyway.

dgutte Posted on 7/12 8:18
re: My 12 year marriage is over

I split up from my first wife in 1997 and whilst we didn't have children, which I know makes the situation harder, one day I woke up and realised that the future was completely up to me, and it looked pretty good. It felt like a huge weight off my shoulders.

One day, and it won't be long, you will feel the same.

All the best.

The_Commisar Posted on 7/12 8:21
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Glen, ignore the geordie troll, he's got hairy palms and the intellect of a bashed crab.
If your in Dr B's I'll happily buy you a pint.

(Please note - most geodies depend on "all creatures great and small" for relationship advice)

matthewbrown Posted on 7/12 9:02
re: My 12 year marriage is over

look on the brightside, youve made a ton!

delier1908 Posted on 7/12 9:19
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Glen,

I would add to the comments of The Comm' and Max H by saying NOT to ignore the Jawdee Troll. If you think very carefully about the Jawdee comments you will see where He/She (or both) is coming from.
First think of how they speak. Their parents taught them how to do that!! That is the extension and expression of how they think. What chance do the poor inter-bred souls have?
Shagging a ham sandwich is a very real option to them. Think of the contents of the sarnie, it makes them think of mama!! They don't know any better the poor souls.
This should make you feel a whole load better as any scummer who would take the pish out of somenoe so obviously suffering a hard time, is likely to be a person who makes such eloquent comments as "Divvent Ye" or "Wor Lass" or even "Gan doon na Toon n fin yer sen a nuw bord ta shag hen" Nuff Said Glen??

T0O1O2N Posted on 7/12 19:07
My 12 year marriage is over

I have been through it, and believe me, women use kids to hurt you.
Great advice by Nedkat.
Do NOT get involved with any female, until you start being objective.
You will find your friends in times of trouble, and you WILL find that people you thought you could rely on, suddenly turn their back on you, and start visiting your ex.
There are some words of wisdom on here, and the finest words that I can think of are, "For Heaven sake, keep Percy in your pants, and avoid relationships like the plague"
You will of course ignore my advice, and the feminine scribes will squeal male pig, but this is a massive fact.
Stay away from any kind of pussies until the yearning stops.
Don't say I didn't warn you!

T0O1O2N Posted on 7/12 19:09
My 12 year marriage is over

Commissar.

When you ass u me, you make an ass out of u and me!

I am not a Geordie.
I am not a troll.
If you saw me in person, you would beg forgiveness.

Just be very careful when you start calling people.. some have feelings, and some can beat the crap out of ya.

davo44 Posted on 7/12 19:12
re: My 12 year marriage is over

oooooooh fighting talk.

Fight, fight, fight, fight....

The_Tea_Lady Posted on 7/12 19:24
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Calm down boys.

Hope it all works out for you Glen.

T0O1O2N Posted on 7/12 19:24
My 12 year marriage is over

Remember that at school?

Fight fight fight

T0O1O2N Posted on 7/12 19:24
My 12 year marriage is over

Remember that at school?

Fight fight fight

T0O1O2N Posted on 7/12 19:25
My 12 year marriage is over

Tea Lady... hi

Did you ever put in for the managers job?

The_Tea_Lady Posted on 7/12 19:29
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Which job?

I've applied for so many ... I just keep getting rejection

Glen_Tilbrook Posted on 7/12 20:11
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Stop arguing please. Don't need it. Sat here listening to music trying to chill.

Now I'm not a big fan of the music scene I like what I like and that suits me fine but there is a song at the moment that so hits the nail on the head with me at the moment that I can't help cracking up.

Simon Webbe (ex of blue) and no worries

(I just know your life's gonna change)
(Gonna get a little better)
(Moving on the darkest day)
(I just know your life's gonna change)
(Gonna get a little further)
(Right up until the feeling fades)

So, is this how it goes,
Think you've come this far,
and then it'll show,
but that aint so, oh no,
you don't see where you are,
and if you don't wanna look back
you'll never know,
cuz you think that you've been here
just treading water
waiting in the wings for the show to begin
but i always see you searching
and you try that bit harder
getting closer, oh yeah
to the life you're imagining

[Chorus]
(I just know your life's gonna change)
maybe not today, maybe not today,
but some day soon you'll be alright,
(I just know your life's gonna change)
turn the other way, turn the other way,
feels like luck is on your side,
(Just wanna live)
no worries, no worries,
(Don't wanna die)
no worries, no worries,
sing for me, sing for me,
we all need somebody,
(yeah you can sink)
no worries, no worries,
(or you can swim)
no worries, no worries,
sing for me, sing for me,
we all need somebody,

So, baby keep drifiting on
getting there aint just selfless wasted time
seek and find, yeah
you're not that far from
what you hoped and wished for
all along,
cuz you think that you've been there,
just treading water
waiting in the wings for the show to begin
but i always see you searching
and you try that bit harder
getting closer, oh yeah
to the life you're imagining

[Repeat Chorus]

I just know your life's gonna change
sing for me, sing for me,
we all need somebody...

MsCurly Posted on 7/12 20:28
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Another cheesy song, but this was the one that gave me the strength I needed five years ago when I didn't think my life could get any more difficult.

Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
Stand up and be counted
Don't be ashamed to cry

You gotta be
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day

Herald what your mother said
Read the books your father read
Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time

Some may have more cash than you
Others take a different view
my oh my heh, hey ...

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day

Don't ask no questions, it goes on without you
Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace
The world keeps on spinning
You can't stop it, if you try to
This time it's danger staring you in the face
oh oh oh

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day

It still does the trick for me if I need to kick myself up the arse.

elnino Posted on 7/12 20:49
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Glen - for christs sake put the booze away mate, it cannot possibly help!!!!

Glen_Tilbrook Posted on 7/12 20:53
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Who said i was drinking at the moment.

Spending too much time on thinking where I went wrong.

Going to see my kids tomorrow night, that's keeping me going.

elnino Posted on 7/12 20:59
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Be strong dude, the old saying time heals is so so so so so true!

OPEO Posted on 8/12 6:47
re: My 12 year marriage is over

This board represents a tiny sample of the population of GB. I would say around a third are children that haven't tasted adulthood yet. That leaves around two thirds with quite a large proportion having been through the mill as regards relationships. The country is in a bad way.

T0O1O2N Posted on 8/12 8:38
My 12 year marriage is over

I picked a hitch hiker up a while back.

Felt sorry for the poor sod stood there in the bleak nowhere that can be our countryside.

He said he had just split from his wife.

She was gonna hold their kid as a bargaining chip, and she cut up all his cards while he slept.

(A nice lady from Glasgow apparently.)

Oh.. she had also emptied his wallet, pockets and bank account... leaving him with nothing!!

Seems that he belonged Redcar, and was going back to stay with his dad.

He had to hitch hike home.. as a result of being destitute.

I said,"Brilliant!"

He looked at me as if I had lost it.

I let him know that he had just gone through the mill.. come out the other side feeling rather like you Glen, and seeing nothing but gloom for the future. He was trying vainly.. like you Glen, to cling to the nice moments "they" had spent...

I told him... like I told you Glen.. to wake up and smell the coffee.

No matter how much money you have, in 5 years time, you will be 5 years older, and nothing is going to stop that!

I told him that the most valuable asset he possessed...something we all have is TIME.

Don't waste it!!

I told him to go out with his dad... get pished.. find the most ordinary slapper he could find, and have a temporary good time.

Rather like breaking a bottle of Champers at the launch of a new ship, this is a good way of re-launching the rest of your life Glen.

Don't sit there moping... clinging onto words.. looking for hidden meanings, or trying to make sense of what has passed... MOVE ON!!!

The lad had been envigorated, and, when I dropped him off, he seemed like he was determined to move on... he now had purpose!

When I split up.. I, like you Glen, had, (gone along with things), and found that it had got me nowhere at all.

When I first re-visited my house... which I had put in her name.. doh.. my "best mate" was busy making himself comfortable.

Yes Glen life stinks... if you think it does, but also life is brilliant.. it gives you what you ask.

I found, for the first time in many years, asking myself what do I want.. and do you know what Glen... I DIDN'T KNOW.

Now I have a brilliant life, and a great future ahead.
Things are looking fine, but, only because I made it so.

List down Glen all the reasons you have to be very thankful.. if you are honest.. it will surprise you.

My father God bless him, used to say when I mentioned that I had a problem, "Son, there are people all over the world.. in cemeteries, who would love to have your problems".

Lucky_Alf Posted on 8/12 9:10
re: My 12 year marriage is over

"My father God bless him, used to say when I mentioned that I had a problem, "Son, there are people all over the world.. in cemeteries, who would love to have your problems"."

Hear hear.

T0O1O2N Posted on 8/12 9:12
My 12 year marriage is over

So very true Alf.

We live in our little goldfish bowls without fully appreciating that.. beyond the bowl is a great big world just waiting to be explored.

Nedkat Posted on 8/12 13:34
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Are you Father Ted in disguise ..?

T0O1O2N Posted on 8/12 13:46
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Nedkat;
I'm surprised that after pouring onto the topic wise words, and sevearal anecdotes, coupled with a rosy compliment of you.. your best shot was a damp squib of an office type stab in the back.. thankyou.
Are you female?

Nedkat Posted on 8/12 13:49
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Hey .. lighten up a bit, it was meant as a joke, now take it the right way.

I am a 47 year old ex Chief Petty Officer Submariner, I am 6' 2", and I weigh 210lbs. I also have an awful lot of body hair. Would you like to meet somewhere ?

T0O1O2N Posted on 8/12 14:04
My 12 year marriage is over

Are you gay?

ONTOUR2005 Posted on 8/12 14:07
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Nedkat just make sure you don't hurt him too much!

Fischer Posted on 8/12 14:11
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Ned, if he's not interested then I'm game.

Nedkat Posted on 8/12 14:42
re: My 12 year marriage is over

I've seen your picture on the football team thread. You look like a right hairy bugger as well. They'd have to pull us apart, we'd be stuck fast like two people wearing those Velcro suits.

T0O1O2N Posted on 8/12 15:26
My 12 year marriage is over

Oh.. so I take it you are straight?

I mean petty officer and all that.

In the Navy and Y M C A spring to mind.

Nedkat Posted on 8/12 16:04
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Same old anecdotes, stirred up again and again.

Oh and BTW, boy ... that was CHIEF Petty Officer.

Nedkat Posted on 8/12 16:11
re: My 12 year marriage is over

I'm leaving this now, in respect of the originator of the thread. It's not the place to find meself arguing with some pimply little chav.

Hope your feeling better, Glen !!

Corcaigh_the_Cat Posted on 8/12 17:10
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Well Glen my boy, time to look at the future and go for it.

I received 'the word' a few years ago, cut me up a bit to be honest, mostly pride now that I look back. We'd been married 19 years and it hurt to begin with, within a few weeks I was getting back up, dusting myself down and ready to have a go. It's the best thing that happened to me looking back.

We were lucky enough to not get greedy with each other too, we split things down the middle. Let the kids decide what they wanted to do, my kids are now my best mates, no longer at school, one living with me, one in their own place.

I've always liked a beer or two, lived a full social life, so nothing changed other than I was knocking about with the lads more, no problem. On the domestic side, I hadn't contributed a great deal so that was a sharp learning curve but it's easy to learn how. I didn't hit the bottle as such, but I didn't spend much time in the house alone. I found that when I was up alone at night was the loneliest time, probably still is, but having a new go at being single has other benefits, believe me.

Try to look forward, you're life has just changed for ever, if you look at it from that perspective you can make a real go of it. The kids love you, they'll always be there for you as long as you're there for them. I've been lucky that way, love them to bits and so proud of the way they've come out of it. My ex and I are still in touch, no hard feelings, she's got on with her life too which is good to see.

Hope things start to lift for you soon.....it looks bleak at first but look through the tears, there's a big world out there, one to be enjoyed. Go on, get a shower, meet your old mates, have a few beers and a laugh, they'll want you to get over this too, let them help you.

Hope things work out for you the way they have for me, good luck young'n.

ravsplumber Posted on 8/12 17:15
re: My 12 year marriage is over

6'2" on a submarine. Are you a hunchback?

Nedkat Posted on 8/12 17:19
re: My 12 year marriage is over

No, but I can sell yer one if yer need one.

You get used to all the drop downs that you bang yer head on. Before yer know it, even really tall people know where to walk, when to dodge, to avoid getting a sore head.

ravsplumber Posted on 8/12 17:25
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Das Boot (DTS) - best sub movie ever made and best demo for a good sub woofer

Glen_Tilbrook Posted on 9/12 0:10
re: My 12 year marriage is over

Corcaigh,

your thread has really hit a note with me. I was getting better, I've seen my kids and found some info that I wasn't looking for when searching for my passport and it made my blood boil. She had info from the docs about contraception (sp) and my head was in turmoil. She's given me an explanation that can't be dreamed up so I can believe her. but she's now gone and told the kids the full story that I won't be living back home. I've never ever heard someone so upset as my daughter as I did on the phone tonight. It's broken my back now.

Smoggy_jay Posted on 9/12 0:28
re: My 12 year marriage is over

get yaself down the F1 on portrack that should cure ya broken heart!

Smoggy_jay Posted on 9/12 0:45
re: My 12 year marriage is over

evil ppl on ere! sorry bout ya loss

--- Post edited by Smoggy_jay on 9/12 0:47 ---

--- Post edited by Smoggy_jay on 9/12 0:49 ---

T0O1O2N Posted on 9/12 14:00
My 12 year marriage is over

I told you Glen.

Three kids of mine were planned by her indoors, so similarly to your situation.

Been there, and I did explain at length what some of them are like.

Make the best of what you have build now for the future.
Leave the past where it belongs.. in the past.

There are good women out there, but please be very careful, you come across as not being fully able to take on women yet, let alone the world.

I wish you luck, and learn from this experience.

Japanese swords are the finest in the world because they go through the fire more than any others, if you can comprehend the analogy.