| fastcakes Posted on 3/12 2:27 | |
| Top 10 things I HATE about match day | |
OK, here we go... 1. Dumb queue on the A66: Coming east on the A66 there's always a long line of LAZY SODS who are queuing back onto the A66 looking to turn LEFT towards the ground. Do any of these people have legs? This line of stationary traffic means I either have to sit there and nudge towards the CLEAR LANE to turn right towards North Ormesby, or risk getting rear-ended by nipping into the fast lane in order to reach the promised land that is the CLEAR LANE. 2. Traffic dodgers: Health and safety would have a coronary if they witnessed the crazy antics of those supporters who seem to think that wandering across the road in front of a car doing 25mph is a wise life-choice. Every match, without fail, several "blind lemmings" dash in front of my car causing unnecessary wear on my brake pads. 3. Alcoholics blocking the path: Every time I walk past that pub near the railway crossing I run the gauntlet of tattoed uber-morons standing in a huddle across the road guzzling one final gallon of gnats-p*ss before staggering to the ground at ten seconds to three. STAY IN THE PUB - DRINKING IN THE STREET IS ILLEGAL! If the pub is full, here's an idea: Walk past and get to the ground in good time. 4. Flashing red lights: Why is it that every time I approach the railway crossing those bl**dy red lights start a-flashing? Doesn't Casey Jones realise there's a match on? All trains should be banned from that line between 1:30 and 6:00 on 3 o'clock match days. 5. Smoking in the toilets: I have tried eveything. Confronting the cancer-stick suckers (they laugh in your face), reporting them to the nearest steward (they listen carefully, then laugh in your face) but nothing seems to work. THE RIVERSIDE IS A NO-SMOKING STADIUM. Roll on July 2007. 6. "Supporters" who boo OUR team: One stray pass, one mis-control, and the boo-boys start, BOO! BOO! wtf? We are Boro SUPPORTERS, which means we...listen carefully...SUPPORT the Boro. We DON'T boo. In the 40 years I have been watching the BORO I have NEVER EVER booed the team. People who boo should be removed by stewards and made to sit with the opposition fans, because anyone who boo's the Boro OPPOSES them. Stay at home, please. 7. The clock: Every game I try to let it go, but...WHY OH WHY does the stadium clock STOP AT 45 minutes? The ONLY time you REALLY need to keep an eye on the time and the damn thing stops. Unbeleivable. 8. Half time "entertainment": I know it's a hardy-perennial, but surely the club could think up some decent half-time entertainment. Strippers? A stand-up comedian? An "It's A Knockout" style game featuring Roary and a vat of custard? Watching a student trying to kick a football more than five yards makes the 15 minutes fly by - NOT! 9. Muddy pitch-black environs: The walk back to the car is always a joy! Firstly there are some strange people who you have to dodge who walk in the wrong direction, towards the river? Why? Secondly, I ALWAYS get stuck behind a family of six (complete with grandad on crutches) who delight in walking in formation, creeping forward slower than a defensive wall seconds before a free-kick. Thirdly, once you have overtaken the dodderers, you stumble through the dark, splashing in muddy puddles that stretch ahead of you like a Territorial Army assault course. 10. Police road blocks: You arrive back at the car, breathless and mud-spattered, and, if you are lucky enough not to have had your car broken into, despite herculean efforts, complete with Jensen Button style driving, you still find yourself stuck in a line of stationary traffic for the best part of an hour, just so the plod can let the convoy of slow moving coaches carrying the (usually happy)away supporters to their firesides. I swear that most weeks the away fans get home before I do. Back in the day there used to be a traffic plod who would wave us through red lights to get us onto the A66 - now we are the lowest of the low. Next match I plan to try a back route to Tees Valley airport and hire a helicopter, that way I might get home for Match Of The Day. Phew - that's better. | |
| onthemap Posted on 3/12 2:35 | |
| re: Top 10 things I HATE about match day | |
1 Moaners about match day - thats my lot gnight. | |
| Sez_Les_Boro Posted on 3/12 9:03 | |
| re: Top 10 things I HATE about match day | |
Seems fair enough, especially about the Beirut-esque environs. Still as bad, are they? I believe that construction projects which were completed quicker than the Middlehaven regeneration include the Great Pyramid at Cheops, The Hoover Dam and the Coloseum. | |
| woodys_wood_pecker Posted on 3/12 9:18 | |
| re: Top 10 things I HATE about match day | |
In the West Stand lower at half time, there was a steward in the toilet making sure no one smoked, i guess some stewards are doing a good job | |
| fastcakes Posted on 3/12 9:41 | |
| re: Top 10 things I HATE about match day | |
woody - yes, and to be fair, there was an announcement at half time yesterday saying anyone caught smoking would be banned from the ground for a year. | |
| skiprat Posted on 3/12 9:52 | |
| re: Top 10 things I HATE about match day | |
"7. The clock: Every game I try to let it go, but...WHY OH WHY does the stadium clock STOP AT 45 minutes? The ONLY time you REALLY need to keep an eye on the time and the damn thing stops. Unbeleivable." This is a football requirement, not sure if Premier League or FA but they all stop at 90 no matter who's ground you're in. | |
| fastcakes Posted on 4/12 13:07 | |
| re: Top 10 things I HATE about match day | |
huth, i didn't spend 30 minutes at 2 in the morning on this quite excellent post for it to get 5 replies... sets himself up... | |
| dave_catching Posted on 4/12 13:12 | |
| re: Top 10 things I HATE about match day | |
Surely there is time for a late entry into the top 10 for "dour dross on the pitch". | |
| mboro19 Posted on 4/12 13:19 | |
| re: Top 10 things I HATE about match day | |
In the south stand concourse on saturday i actually seen a bloke sat on the floor in the middle of a big crowd smoking a cigarette so he couldnt be seen and then blowing the smoke into his jacket. But what made me laugh even more was when i looked up, there was a bloke in a wide open space just stood smoking in the open, so the bloke on the floor didnt have to do what he was doing. ts about time all these threats about ejections and bans were enforced. If you make an example with say 10 smokers then most will stop. The ones that dont deserve what they get for thinking theyre above everybody else. | |
| benpoolie Posted on 4/12 13:22 | |
| re: Top 10 things I HATE about match day | |
not a happy bloke are ya?! whats wrong with people wanting a drink and a smoke?? do you work for the government or summat?!!! | |
| rocky10 Posted on 4/12 13:23 | |
| re: Top 10 things I HATE about match day | |
Moan No 1 left Carlton(near Stockton) at 1640hrs sat amazed to get straight through to the Captain Cook(still in ground 10 mins before start) not another car in sight, maybe leave it later Fastcakes. Moan No 5 I smoke myself, but cannot see how you can't go for 2 hours without a fag. A lad in the north stand was practically offering the steward out on sat all so he could have a fag. Moan No 9 why are the street lights never (10 years and counting)on as you walk back to the car over the border down the side of the old SLP yard. (mental note will e-mail M'boro council this afty). Rest of them a bit picky LOL. Always wanted to have a go at the half time challenge and see if I could make a big prandck of myself too(don't forget the earth shattering prizes a pack of cards whats all that about) - bring back the penalty competitions - sorry schools don't have footie teams anymore non competitive country dancing wehey we'll have that then. | |
| The_Boro_Biffa Posted on 4/12 13:28 | |
| re: Top 10 things I HATE about match day | |
Hate #1 The Match Favourite #1 Getting Home | |
