| Archie_Stanton1 Posted on 20/4 9:51 | |
| Newcastle Transfer Policy | |
Sky news have just reported that Freddie Shepherd gave a > statement to the stock exchange this morning at 9.18 am regarding Newcastle > UTD PLC nearly signing David Beckham, Dirk Kuyt, Tevez and Mark Viduka. > > > > The statement was greeted with astonishment and then a > deathly hush descended on the floor as the fat Geordie Chairman proudly > announced the shock transfers who he nearly signed for the club. Newcastle > UTD shares rocketed to £1.81 on hearing the news of these near signings. > Jose Mourinho was quick to respond on Sky Sports News about the statement. > > > > He said "How can Chelsea complete with Newcastle on these > terms, they are nearly buying all the top players, I see reports on TV that > they nearly signed David Beckham and then only 24 hours later Fat Freddy > tells the stock exchange that they nearly bought Dirk Kuyt in the summer, It > is just spoiling the game". > > > > Sir Alex Ferguson was also quick to comment "This is > ridiculous, Newcastle are once again nearly signing all the top players > available, they nearly signed Wayne Rooney and they nearly signed Ronaldo. > The whole thing needs sorting out or else Newcastle Utd's nearly signing > players policy will ruin our beautiful game". > > > > A spokesman from Newcastle UTD PLC said these words in > retaliation. "I have heard Jose Mourinhos and Alex Fergusons comments, and > just because we are actively nearly signing the top players in the world > does not mean that we are spoiling the game, we are just raising the > standards of nearly signing players; players of the calibre of Rooney, > Ronaldinho, Zidane and Ronaldo were also nearly signed". > > > > Outside St James park a crowd of 4 gathered on hearing the > shock news, one fan called Keegan Beardsley who had just paid £33 for a > shirt worth £2.50, and had the words "Nearly Beckham" proudly displayed on > the back, had this to say via an interpreter (no one could understand him) > "Arl reet, dee yee smurk tarbs? Wor gannin pleeces this cloob like...wor > neeerly gannin fer Christiano Ronaldo next week an arl like!" Fat Freddy has > since stated that, "This clubs policy for nearly signing players will > continue for the foreseeable future. We see no reason to bow to the demands > of other clubs and will scour the earth for players who will come close to > joining us". "We must keep our fans happy, and what better way than for them > to see world class players almost joining Newcastle Utd, it keeps them all > coming back in their droves, and shirt sales are continuing to rocket due > mainly to the talent we nearly succeeded in getting in". > > > > On a similar note, with the 'Cash for Honours' scandal > rumbling on, Mr. Shepherd was heard to express his concerns that he may > shortly be questioned under a 'cash for NO honours scandal'. | |
