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Emmersons_BrazillianDong Posted on 04/01/2011 18:39
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

I thought it would be handy to have a list for any new posters in 2011. Perhaps it could be added as a sticky to the forum for the attention of new posters.

Here are some to start

-Claims to have spoken with any member of MFC in gleaning inside information into the club will ALWAYS be treated with ridicule

-Providing evidence of any kind to corroborate the above, (in particular independent corroboration from other posters) will be met with stone wall silence.

-Apologies are never issued or mentioned by any FMTTM poster

-You will sometimes see posts from someone called R00fie - It’s ok to ignore these

-Always consider carefully who is to blame for any wrong doing at MFC. If unaware, use the default: Keith Lamb

-You will be regularly questioned on what you had for your tea on this forum. Answering is not compulsory

-There is a ‘clique’ on this board. Nobody knows who is in or how you get in. Rest assured though, there is a ‘clique’

-In emergency do an FAO Doyle Police

1st_time_caller Posted on 04/01/2011 18:40
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

[:D]

r00fie Posted on 04/01/2011 18:41
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Never do a Ricky Pontin and get out for a duck[:X][^]

joshie Posted on 04/01/2011 18:43
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

If you dont want Chairman Mao in charge of this country you are a rabid daily mail reader.

sasboro1 Posted on 04/01/2011 18:44
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

when a game isnt on at 3pm on saturday you have to ask if it is on tv

you have to ask once a day how many tickets have been sold

xxlshirts_fit_all Posted on 04/01/2011 18:45
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

if some one complains about 1 particular political issue ie imigration/economy and you disagree with that one particular issue then you will be either a pinky lefty fag or a fascist right wing hitler sympathiser depending on the initial posters views!

there is no middle road in politics!

1st_time_caller Posted on 04/01/2011 18:48
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

you will also never be truly accepted until you have posted threads entitled:

PS3 or xbox 360?
what to do in New York
excel spreadsheet help
is the Donny game on TV?
boiler advice - help??
FAO Admin (this comes after you have made a tit of yourself on another thread and been ripped to bits by someone who then called you a nasty name)

xxlshirts_fit_all Posted on 04/01/2011 18:49
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

ah joshie you said what i was trying to in less words!

any post about maggie thatcher should always get at least 99 replies

normal liberal minded posters who do not like controversial posts will be happy procliming that they have a bottle of bubbly waiting for the day thatcher dies!

sasboro1 Posted on 04/01/2011 18:50
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

you have to get banned and then reregister with a smilar name then complain on a new thread why you were banned

coluka Posted on 04/01/2011 18:51
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

You will never own a watch as expensive as a certain regular poster - claims to do so will be met with character assassination

There is only one fashion Icon allowed on the board - all Imposters will have borolad259 'pimp their keyboards'


Torino Posted on 04/01/2011 18:52
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

You have all missed the most important rule, always post a picture of an attractive women when you mention her [;)]

sasboro1 Posted on 04/01/2011 18:52
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

you have to join one of the cliques.

have to start a thread asking where the best parmo is in boro

TurnbullsCans Posted on 04/01/2011 18:54
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

You need to accept that there is a set list of things 'grown men' can wear and do

robbso Posted on 04/01/2011 18:55
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

If you want to set up a new fan group,please ask permission on here first.

If you want to bang a drum or make any other noise at the match,as above get permission and blessing off the super fans who inhabit these parts.[smi]

Oh and never,ever eat a parmo or Indian meal without starting a thread about where to get the best one.

r00fie Posted on 04/01/2011 18:56
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

You need to tell everybody how much you paid for your watch and if your boyfriend is sleeping with ya mam[:X]

Ghost_of_Sparta Posted on 04/01/2011 19:04
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Rolf?

Newcomers could be shocked to learn of his tradgedy many times over.

Emmersons_BrazillianDong Posted on 04/01/2011 19:05
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Oh yeah.

Rolf Harris has nine lives! [:D]

Chickensh1t Posted on 04/01/2011 19:05
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Never question the actions of those that are abobe you in the classless system [;)]

sasboro1 Posted on 04/01/2011 19:08
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

start a thread that can be blamed on thatcher

r00fie Posted on 04/01/2011 19:10
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Tell everybody they dont know what they`re on about if they werent 20 by 1986[rle][:X]

NorfolknGood Posted on 04/01/2011 19:13
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

1 When you have changed your user name wait a few weeks and then start a thread asking everybody how they got the name they have.

2 If you are having a major crisis of a personal, legal or financial nature do not worry. As a member of this board you are entitled to free advice from any other member who wishes to contribute to the mess you are in and you wil never need to pay for professional counselling, legal or financial advice again.


sixtyniner69 Posted on 04/01/2011 19:14
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

rolf is flar backwards in an aussie accent[;)]

degsyspesh Posted on 04/01/2011 19:23
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

When asking for a link to any websites showing a boro match always make sure that you include an a fully explained and plausible reason as to why you aren't going to the game yourself just to make sure that everyone understands that you are a "true" fan and that it's not just a case that you can't be ar5ed and have better things to do 'cos we're shoite at the minute......[;)]

billdoor Posted on 04/01/2011 19:23
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

No matter how negative and miserable you think you might be, there are some on here who will make you seem quite chirpy.

Phil_K Posted on 04/01/2011 20:27
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

You can say the most stupid thing ever but if you put "Fact" after it then it becomes true.

HarryVegas Posted on 04/01/2011 20:31
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Dummy Spitting is heartily encouraged, for the continued entertainment of other posters [^]

degsyspesh Posted on 04/01/2011 20:34
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Phil_K... it's "FACT", you have to shout it for full effect....

1st_time_caller Posted on 04/01/2011 21:04
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

to be totally accurate, it needs to be as Liddle always put it [FACT]

Halle_Burton Posted on 04/01/2011 21:10
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Ask on a weekly basis the best place to have sunday lunch ignoring the previous 249 weeks recommendations

Ian_Bairds_Ears Posted on 04/01/2011 21:17
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Dont ever say that Richard Madeley has passed on...

Ever.

You will upset the more delicate members of the board....

Eddie_Catflap Posted on 04/01/2011 21:21
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

When a fellow poster asks for advice regarding a female - for example, where to take his wife on holiday, the best suggestion is always "up the wrong 'un"

Similarly, on any thread where a female is discussed, feel free to offer your opinion on whether or not her "back door" should be smashed in. Your sexuality will never be in doubt.

Billyashcroftsperm Posted on 04/01/2011 21:23
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Mention the fact that your going out in yarm tonight.

Eddie_Catflap Posted on 04/01/2011 21:26
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

There is a fanzine associated with the board. No-one has read it but it has lots of stories in about the posters on the forum. Apparently.

scally Posted on 04/01/2011 21:29
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

You must never ever mention "Ahem" Robs BIG Red hooter.

sasboro1 Posted on 04/01/2011 21:31
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

anyone know what time the ticket office opens?

NedKat Posted on 04/01/2011 21:35
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

1. You must learn to veet your genital area without leaving your taint in tatters.

2. To be a real supporter you must go to every single first team game, every single reserve team game, and claim to to have been at Victoria Park Hartlepool in 1986.

3. It's good advice to post your every move. ie, going to shops, going to swimming pool, going to Northallerton ...

SplendidStuff Posted on 04/01/2011 21:37
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

You have to have used the phrase 'one swallow does not make a summer' at some point when talking about a boro win.

Urban_Legend Posted on 04/01/2011 21:37
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

There's never any need to watch the major cricket matches. Just refer to Ray's 1000 post threads.

Eddie_Catflap Posted on 04/01/2011 21:39
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Finding yourself on the losing side of an intellectual debate? Never fear - just register another user and begin to agree with yourself.

Halle_Burton Posted on 04/01/2011 21:41
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

eddie[^]

cant think of many ntellectual debates on here, more idiotic rants

scally Posted on 04/01/2011 21:44
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

If you want a ton start a thread "Does God exist" or alternatively say the word criminal in the same sentence as the word black (pooftah or muslim would work equally as well)

sasboro1 Posted on 04/01/2011 21:47
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

or create more than one username and disagree with yourself so you can reach a 100 replies and look popular.

groom people on here to join your group

Urban_Legend Posted on 04/01/2011 21:48
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

When you're old and banned, retire gracefully to ComeOnBoro.com and slag us off!

BoroAl Posted on 04/01/2011 21:48
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

You've all forgotten the Holy Grail,

Brad Jones is the best keeper we have ever had

AND

Who is best "Jonno" or Stewy?

Eddie_Catflap Posted on 04/01/2011 21:50
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Every seven years the very best posts are collected into a book which sells for £1000 a copy and wins the Nobel prize for literature.

Miklaadt Posted on 04/01/2011 21:50
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

In the event of witnessing a player shopping in Morrisons you may report this here but under no circumstances must you divulge which player it was until you have accrued at least a half century of guesses.

Dan_Ashcroft Posted on 04/01/2011 21:53
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Once in a while Rob posts a thread with a username for the title. No fao, just a single username.

You know without clicking that the board member has been very naughty and is to be asked to apologise.. or leave.

I think I'd genuinely shudder a little if it ever happened to me.

Eddie_Catflap Posted on 04/01/2011 21:54
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

There is a special club for London posters. Being gay is not compulsory for membership but does help.

king_hellfire Posted on 04/01/2011 21:55
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

The first reply on organ donation threads MUST always be:

I'll donate my organ to [insert lasses name*]




* Usually Rosie Webster.

BoroAl Posted on 04/01/2011 21:57
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Unless you're of the Louis Spence variety.

GGGG Posted on 04/01/2011 21:57
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

[ref]

billdoor Posted on 04/01/2011 22:01
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

"[ref]"

The symbol above is not a small referee issuing a yellow card, no matter what Pink Ponce tries to tell you.

It is a little man showing his delight, solidarity or, sometimes, raising a glass in agreement or celebration.

GGGG Posted on 04/01/2011 22:03
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Why didnt my sentace come out on my post [cr]

Dan_Ashcroft Posted on 04/01/2011 22:06
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Every now and again a thread hits 500+ replies. Five times out of ten the subject title will have bad grammar or a spelling mistake, making the board look scruffy.

JLinardi Posted on 04/01/2011 22:07
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Most important rule:

Always be a right miserable T_wat [B)]

Humpty Posted on 04/01/2011 22:08
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

If you state a lady is particularly hot...you must post a picture or expect derision and anger.

TeessideSeasider Posted on 04/01/2011 22:08
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Everyone who posts on here meet up in The Hairy Lemon before the last home game of the season where Rob buys everyone lashings of Ginger Ale......

robbso Posted on 04/01/2011 22:11
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Even if someone posts piccies of a gorgeous looking woman,the George Clooney lookalikes will be all over the thread stating she is a moose,boiler,dog etc.

sasboro1 Posted on 04/01/2011 22:12
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

win some bets with yourself

smoghead Posted on 04/01/2011 22:13
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

all the admin are out to get you [:(]

especially Borolad259 who is a right-wing-left-wing-nazi-communist-marxist-stalinist-trotskyite-maoist-capitalist-imperialist-socialist-elitist-clique-loving-man-hating-sexist-feminist-liberal-revisionist-tory-nulabour-lib-dem-con-dem-islamic-chrisitan-atheist-homophobe-homosexual-abortionist-power-hungry-fascist pig. [8D]

billdoor Posted on 04/01/2011 22:15
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

If the ball comes near you at a match, it's obligatory for board members to throw it back like a girl so that it fails to reach the pitch.

If you do this really well, Barry Robson will tell you so.

JLinardi Posted on 04/01/2011 22:17
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Tell everyone were gonna lose before everygame, if we win dont show your face until we lose again then gloat about how you told us all how its gonna be.

Emmersons_BrazillianDong Posted on 04/01/2011 23:11
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

When wanting to post a link in your thread ensure that you post it incorrectly so as to annoy the hell out of everyone who reads your post but has no reference point for it.

Strachans_Tossed_Caber Posted on 04/01/2011 23:20
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

If you can't contribute much else, just randomly appear on threads putting a clown smiley after someone's username

HarryVegas Posted on 04/01/2011 23:22
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Before coming on, read the daily fail to find out what you think.

NedKat Posted on 04/01/2011 23:26
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Haha ... some great answers here !

good thread !!

Dare to ask if there's any cash machines in Outer Mongolia, and suffer the wrath of the 'well travelled' from Port Clarence.

NedKat Posted on 04/01/2011 23:29
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

21. You must always post an RIP to anyone who has kicked the bucket. Even though you don't know them, and you couldn't give a XXXXXX !

Emmersons_BrazillianDong Posted on 04/01/2011 23:30
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Thanks Ned.

You know what they say, post enough shyte and some of it will stick.

jannizart Posted on 05/01/2011 01:23
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

If you are female it may take a while longer to become accepted but NEVER EVER post a silly thread on a Saturday just after the match has finished. This will be frowned upon and the immortal words issued....... not now pet we have more important things to discuss.
Regularly ask what's the best bit about the area. Most will say the road out of it but any Roseberry Topping response goes down well and gives the resident artist an opportunity to show their latest painting [:P]
Which I won't

JLinardi Posted on 05/01/2011 01:44
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

If your going on Holiday make it your priority to make a eye catching post asking if there are any good bars in your destination of choice. In the process letting everyone know where your going and they arent.

newjersey Posted on 05/01/2011 01:45
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

This could be the best post ever.

Only_Me Posted on 05/01/2011 01:54
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

" You have to have used the phrase 'one swallow does not make a summer' at some point when talking about a boro win.[:X]"

or

...
when talking about those of the female gender, remember that - One swallow does not, a not-spitter make! [;)]


You must at all times be aware, that whatever you say, in any thread of the last 2 years, will be taken down and used in evidence against you, with links to catflap being provided just to prove you've contradicted yourself.

Only_Me Posted on 05/01/2011 01:58
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

The main rule...

Whenever there is something major happening within the 'Boro ' world that everyone wants to discuss, the board will break down and not allow users to post messages.

Emmersons_BrazillianDong Posted on 05/01/2011 02:01
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Responses to any thread titled 'Hoy Shytler' must only include a variety of smilies. Text responses in any form are forbidden.

Only_Me Posted on 05/01/2011 02:01
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

You might know the answers to life, the universe and everything but unless your spelling and grammar is spot on, your message will be ignored.

plazmuh Posted on 05/01/2011 02:45
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

It always bodes well if you saw the pistols in the Rock Garden..
25,000 and counting..
Regards
Plazmuh
[:D][:D][^]

NedKat Posted on 05/01/2011 03:05
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Acne Rebel ...

emphony Posted on 05/01/2011 03:21
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Always remember to use the word FACT or people wont believe what you have said... FACT!

Always refer to the geordies as deluded

Remember that David Wheater is XXXXXXe, Johnson is XXXXXXe and Downing is XXXXXXe too.

But the most important rule of all was mentioned by torino... post a picture when talking about smashing the back doors in of a hot bird. Which reminds me, you have to use the term "smashing her back doors in"

joseph99 Posted on 05/01/2011 06:40
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Any attempt to discuss maturely anything related to ethnicity will instantly convert you into a full blown racist. You have to be either a BNP voter or use the Guardian as a bible.

Speed camera threads are a must, especially if you've been nicked and annoyed.

Any murder case brings out he fmttm super sleuths finger pointing the culprit based on zero evidence.

Sea_Harrier Posted on 05/01/2011 06:51
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

To be a true Boro supporter you had to be at Hartlepool's Victoria Ground, for the first game of the 1986-1987 season, along with the other 30,000 "I was there" Boro fans.

joseph99 Posted on 05/01/2011 07:06
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Boiler threads are a must in the cold weather

Jeremy_Clarkson Posted on 05/01/2011 07:39
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

You must report the first flakes of snow immediately

Rolf is God on this board (RIP)

Steve Gibson is also God, never say a wrong word about the latter or you will have your bare bottom spanked by the super fans.

Maxi tends to wet himself a lot beware of this and dont ever accept sweeties from him either.

Expect bull.XXXXXXte on every post, you will find it,especially anything that begins Hoy Shytler.

The Ponce is the ball shaving expert dont accept waxing tips from any other poster this could result in soreness and spots.
[^][:D]




_360 Posted on 05/01/2011 07:44
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

"_360 is the best poster on the site."

Awh shucks, thanks. [:I]

onthetap Posted on 05/01/2011 07:47
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

There must be frequent mentions of:

Pre Madonna
Pillow of Society

TeessideSeasider Posted on 05/01/2011 07:48
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

After a defeat and/or a bad performance.....slate every player at the club, the groundsman, the ticket office....and Keith Lamb...

After a win you may notice the influx of new usernames and the hailing of the next Messiah........

_360 Posted on 05/01/2011 07:49
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Scottish staff/players will be treated more in a less dignified manner than their English counterparts.

joseph99 Posted on 05/01/2011 07:50
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Any constructive criticism of a Boro team will immediately mean you are a bedwetter.

A catastrophic performance evokes a string of unusual and exclusive usernames consisting of a load of underscores dishing out truisms.

The terms and conditions of the board are only applicable to non-clique members.

Jeremy_Clarkson Posted on 05/01/2011 07:50
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Feel free to post anything about your wife/girlfriend/lover of a sexual matter we like this kind of stuff.
[^][^][^][^][^][^][^]

TeessideSeasider Posted on 05/01/2011 07:57
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

While you may hate certain posters and their views......
...you get to wonder where ther are if they haven't posted for a while......[rle]

jannizart Posted on 05/01/2011 08:07
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Grow some thick skin and if you are easily offended then you may as well get your coat.

To get a response from Rob on your thread something of an achievment - I was told that when I first joined.

Start working on a "my favourite" list then you are always prepared


Jeremy_Clarkson Posted on 05/01/2011 08:11
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Again remember ROLF IS DEAD [cr]

Anything you see on TV are repeats

Remember this....


sasboro1 Posted on 05/01/2011 08:13
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

you are sn expert on every topic and could run the country from your bedroom and fmttm

zzzzz Posted on 05/01/2011 08:16
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

It's compulsory for everyone to ask

"Anyone been to New York?"

Sea_Harrier Posted on 05/01/2011 08:17
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Remember that an air of anarchy, to accompany any replies, always goes down very well.

_360 Posted on 05/01/2011 08:20
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Dr. Dre is highly regarded.

Manfriday Posted on 05/01/2011 08:37
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

That to rid your property of a wasps nest, the only tools needed are a damp towel wrapped around your face, a tennis racket and a can of lynx with a lighter [FACT]

sixtyniner69 Posted on 05/01/2011 08:41
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

if you did not go to the basle match then you do not desrve an opinion[;)]

1st_time_caller Posted on 05/01/2011 08:53
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

before posting, it is necessary to spend 2 years studying at the University of Catflaporama in order to learn posters' previous usernames. Failure to refer to Gengis as Capio, Critical Bill as Vinny, et. al. is deemed as showing a lack of commitment

(these posters have also defected btw - be warned, there are health implications associated with 'over-posting')


if there is not an emoticon that matches what you wish to convey, it is acceptable to use asterisks eg. *doffs cap in a knowing sort of way*

jannizart Posted on 05/01/2011 08:59
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Don't bother with the news. If you want to know what has just happened this is the best source for instant information.
Within seconds of an earthquake or a flake of snow or the death of a Rolf you are immediately in the know. FACT
Sitting here laughing that I actually typed fact [:D]

Dan_Ashcroft Posted on 05/01/2011 09:00
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Trevor Sinclair

Sea_Harrier Posted on 05/01/2011 09:01
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

The 8 dart finish is possible here on FMTTM.[^]

Lisbonlegend Posted on 05/01/2011 09:04
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Never mention anything to do with homosexuality or mental health in the same thread or suffer the consequences.

andybarca Posted on 05/01/2011 09:10
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

during every transfer window simply list player off FM that we should sign and you will instantly sound like you know loads about football.

Emmersons_BrazillianDong Posted on 05/01/2011 09:23
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Accept that fmttm is not the board it used to be. It has continued to go down hill for years and all the old posters don't visit as often because of all the @rse holes that do.

scally Posted on 05/01/2011 09:53
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Has anyone mentioned Robs BIG red hooter yet?

gravyboat Posted on 05/01/2011 10:02
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Accept that on an almost weekly basis, for the past 10 years, someone will say the board isn't what it used to be, and is going down hill because all the best posters have left, depsite the fact its as popular as ever.

London_Boro Posted on 05/01/2011 10:04
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

You must accept that Chuck Norris is now the second hardest man in history.... right behind Pogotetz!

[^]

Dan_Ashcroft Posted on 05/01/2011 10:06
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Double post

Dan_Ashcroft Posted on 05/01/2011 10:06
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Sandwich

Dan_Ashcroft Posted on 05/01/2011 10:07
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Double post

_360 Posted on 05/01/2011 10:09
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

The posters with larger penises will always be the most respected.

Piggy Posted on 05/01/2011 10:14
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

If you go away on holiday for anything longer than a weekend you should always ask whats been happening at the Boro whilst you've been away.

The only appropriate response to this is 'Who are you?'

jimmythewondercat Posted on 05/01/2011 10:16
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

You will have a secret but unspoken admiration for the train enthusiasts and Allens West devotees.

Bandy Posted on 05/01/2011 10:24
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

When you have made up a blatant lie always put DONT SHOOT THE MESSENGER.

Always state what rude things you would like to do to a fit young buck that gets posted up on here

Bri_Marwood Posted on 05/01/2011 10:56
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Thou Shall Not Criticise Our Soldiers...Ever.

MightyDuck Posted on 05/01/2011 10:59
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

never give your view on a players performance. it will be wrong

Hercules Posted on 05/01/2011 11:17
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

If you ever mention a local hardman/wannabe gangster always refer to them by their initials.

That way only those who are 'in the know' will know who you're talking about (making you all feel special) and it means you won't get your head kicked in for posting a local hardman/wannabe gangsters name on the internet.

Edit: Not that DC, BT, JT, AJ and ZK are likely to be able to use the internet and/or read anyway.

Jeremy_Clarkson Posted on 05/01/2011 11:23
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

You must once a year start a thread entitled "Trevor Brooking"


But never start one entitled "I hate Homos/blacks/aisans/dole cheats/women/Thatcher/masturbating/fluffy towels etc
[B)]

Bandy Posted on 05/01/2011 11:24
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

hovercraft and eels must be mentioned ten times a week.

Bri_Marwood Posted on 05/01/2011 11:25
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

If you don't live in Middlesbrough, were born there or support the club then you're not really supposed to post on here at all.

Eddie_Catflap Posted on 05/01/2011 11:25
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Whenever a thread appears asking for best/funniest posters/threads it is customary to read the whole thing to see if your contributions get a mention. You will be disappointed but it gives you something to aim for and you can dismiss everyone who does get mentioned as 'the clique'

Evil Posted on 05/01/2011 11:25
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

I feel that pain Bri.

uncle_rico Posted on 05/01/2011 11:35
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

When posting the team (or predicted team) it must be posted in the formation that it is playing.

Diasboro_Dan Posted on 05/01/2011 11:39
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Remember that you only need to address an audience that is adult, white, male and have recently lived on Teesside. Terms like 'splitty' are perfectly acceptable.

Piggy Posted on 05/01/2011 11:42
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

A game of 5 a side isnt worth having unless it takes at least a hundred posts to arrange.

Dan_Ashcroft Posted on 05/01/2011 11:50
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

And a second thread to cancel.

The_263 Posted on 05/01/2011 12:02
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

The clique is blind to the existence of the clique. Non-cliques are able to see.

Rob's match reports are often the only positive to be taken from some games.

George1507 Posted on 05/01/2011 12:51
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

When in trouble with the Inland Revenue/law/employer/wife or creditors, come on here and beg for advice from qualified people. After they've given up their valuable time to try to help, call them wan****, tos**** or cretins because you don't like what they've said, and it doesn't tally with what the bloke down the chip shop says either.

Use any stick to beat the club with, and especially Keith Lamb and Steve Gibson. Any fool could have achieved what they've achieved, and most of them would have poured in far more than the £100 million MFC has cost Steve Gibson in the last 20 years.

When faced with a choice of who to believe out of the club management, and the bloke down the chip shop, choose him every time.

When Boro win twice on the bounce, emphasise how you always knew that we'd be promoted this season. When we lose two on the bounce, emphasise that you know we're going into administration and will be playing in the Araldite League Division 9 within a few years.

When anyone mentions a female celebrity, announce that she definitely needs her back doors kicked in.

Enquire about taking holidays in Bora Bora, Fiji, Hawaii or Tahiti, before booking 3 days in Bridlington, because the beer is better.

Don't forget that you can never trust foreigners or foreign food.

One bad person from a particular place is clearly evidence that all people from that place are untrustworthy charlatans.

Never go out just for a couple of drinks. Make sure you get absolutely hammered, then make a fool of yourself to everyone by falling over and being sick.

Don't bother to read your posts before posting them - spelling mistakes, poor grammar and terrible syntax are all evidence of ignorance and poor education, both of which are badges to be worn proudly on this board.

Kirkylane Posted on 05/01/2011 12:52
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

At 2:46pm exactly on a match day, post a message titled "Working Link" with a link to a stream of a BBC local radio station. The body should contain "It's on here" with a at least two thumbs up.

At 3:05pm exactly, post a follow-up "It's stopped working". Use relevant emoticons to express your a) surprise and b) crushing disappointment.

Sea_Harrier Posted on 05/01/2011 12:54
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Thou shalt not mention Dawn Thewlis in any capacity what-so-ever, as she is a protected species

Cecil_J_Mctumshie Posted on 05/01/2011 13:09
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

You can onley post iff yoo are bad at speling so the teechers can corekt you

speckyget Posted on 05/01/2011 13:14
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Any discussion of restoring the death penalty must make mention of offences to which it has never applied - esp. paedophilia.

Oh, and prison is a sort of amusment arcade-cum-luxury health spa. FACT.

jannizart Posted on 05/01/2011 13:35
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

I have started reading posts and agreeing and disagreeing with several of them. Anyone else doing this?

This single thread has resurrected the old fmttm spirit and brought the lost back into the fold. We are once more united. Hoorah [^]

Cecil_J_Mctumshie Posted on 05/01/2011 13:38
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

you haven't replied to any of my posts jan-maybe I'm not in clique

The_263 Posted on 05/01/2011 13:51
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Ingelby Barwick threads must involve at some stage an attack on the good folk who happen to live there – the pubs, infrastructure, property prices, cars, lawnmowers, schools, house design – anything that demonstrates and proves it’s not as good as Acklam.

Alluding to any personal material possession that costs more than £200 means that you are bragging and boasting regardless of the fact that the people reading are complete strangers

Any form of criticism of the teaching profession indicates you are a numbskull, thug or your kids are out of control – non-acceptance that the teaching profession is full of honest hardworking and weather-bitten caring people will see you hounded off the board by a gang of usernames (during school time hours only like).

Acklam Car Centre is dodgier than the front line of Afghanistan.

When cornered in an argument and desperate for a riposte always use spelling, grammar and syntax as a method of ridicule.

Dave Allen is the best PR person to ever grace the world of PR and the job he’s doing is perfect. Any criticism of him will lead to intervention by Rob, thread deletion and a banning order.


Diasboro_Dan Posted on 05/01/2011 14:10
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

References to beer may also mean lager.

Jeremy_Clarkson Posted on 05/01/2011 14:12
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Might also be rhyming slang for queer as well [:D][rle]

See Lisbon/Louie Spence [^]

speckyget Posted on 05/01/2011 14:38
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

There is no homophobia on FMTTM, apart from that which exists in the minds of PC dogooders. Threads such as 'Was Hitler right to gas queers?' are only aimed to stimulate mature discussion.

Capybara Posted on 05/01/2011 14:48
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

'History' as in "* insert team name like 'Bolton' here * have no history" refers to the period in time which roughly aligns with the recent memory of the poster.

Jeremy_Clarkson Posted on 05/01/2011 15:58
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

You may always ask before away games



"Is there any cash machines in (Insert town name)????[ref]







Also you must have shaved balls or be planning a veet session soon to join [:D]

The_263 Posted on 05/01/2011 16:22
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Share tips for oil explorers such as DES only appear on here once the smart money has left the company.

jannizart Posted on 05/01/2011 16:24
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

I meant in my head Cecil, not on here. I would nor dare to argue against anything on here because I would be shot down in flames. We women know our place in this line.
If you are not in the clique then I have no chance!!

wowee_zowee Posted on 05/01/2011 16:44
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Come on here and post who are the the current presenters on sky sports news... and what you'd do to the birds in question. Or there'll be claret everywhere!

miltonkeynesaverage Posted on 05/01/2011 17:20
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

When disgussing politics it is a legal requirement on this board that the following topics are mentioned at some point in the thread:

Milk
Falklands war
Arthur Scargill
Eton


Michael_Debeve Posted on 05/01/2011 17:33
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

When responding to a "Trevor Brooking" post, the appropriate response is "Trevor Brooking"

Urban_Legend Posted on 07/01/2011 19:22
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

Boys have penises. Girls have vaginas.


Unless you're Pink Ponce.

Shoarma Posted on 07/01/2011 20:57
The Unwritten Rules of FMTTM

If something is being described as being the best of its kind without peer, then the words "Proper" and "As" are sure to surround it.(Best said loudly in a Teesside accent)

eg "Proper class as" used to desribe Boro in the Steve McLaren era.