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Jeremy_Clarkson Posted on 23/12/2010 10:37
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Once upon a time in darkest Teesside there was a poster called....

Sea_Harrier Posted on 23/12/2010 10:57
The FMTTM Xmas story........

LisbonLegend, who despite suffering terrible illness and war wounds which he won't talk about, travelled home to Teesside ...............

bigrichardthe3rd Posted on 23/12/2010 11:02
The FMTTM Xmas story........

on his way home his train got delayed at crewe....

TurnbullsCans Posted on 23/12/2010 11:22
The FMTTM Xmas story........

And to the train stepped Borolad259 to check the tickets...

borolad259 Posted on 23/12/2010 11:24
The FMTTM Xmas story........

"Any of you skiving fares will be handed over to TC Plod of the transport police." said the perfectly reasonable ex-commie dictator in uniform and jackboots.

TurnbullsCans Posted on 23/12/2010 11:25
The FMTTM Xmas story........

[:D]

billdoor Posted on 23/12/2010 11:38
The FMTTM Xmas story........

... a few adults with kids tickets squirmed about in their seats...

borolad259 Posted on 23/12/2010 11:39
The FMTTM Xmas story........

[:D]

scuzzmonster Posted on 23/12/2010 11:41
The FMTTM Xmas story........

...fouling themselves in spite of their RF notoriety

borolad259 Posted on 23/12/2010 11:45
The FMTTM Xmas story........

"Which one of you is that fare dodging ne'er do well Jonathan Woodgate? We're onto you and your cunning ticket under the barrier ruse", said the ever keen eyed Stalinist jobsworth.

Sea_Harrier Posted on 23/12/2010 11:48
The FMTTM Xmas story........

........ but the Stalinist jobsworth was really Madmick in disguise and trying to give Borolad259 a bad name ................

Jeremy_Clarkson Posted on 23/12/2010 15:18
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Strike [:D]

atkingson Posted on 23/12/2010 15:20
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Then evil popped out of Borolad's suitcase and shouted!!

billdoor Posted on 23/12/2010 15:21
The FMTTM Xmas story........

"I LOVE BIG STRONG MEN!"

borolad259 Posted on 23/12/2010 15:22
The FMTTM Xmas story........

"Back in your box gimp boy" said the fascist jobsworth.

Sea_Harrier Posted on 23/12/2010 15:23
The FMTTM Xmas story........

........ how much did your watch cost, shouted Lisbon, who seemed to have been forgotten as the lead character in this story?

atkingson Posted on 23/12/2010 15:25
The FMTTM Xmas story........

'Take your watch and stick it up my ar*' said a very randy grandad...

TurnbullsCans Posted on 23/12/2010 15:27
The FMTTM Xmas story........

'Not as much as mine' shreiked Pince Ponce as he strode on through from the smoking carriage..

inadvertently cutting in on Randy Grandad's only speaking part [|)]

woodymfc Posted on 23/12/2010 15:37
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Randy Grandad returned to his knitting and recipe writing, while Ponce flashed his designer watch which apparently matched his car colour code too

All of a sudden, the train started schreeching to a halt, someone had pulled the emergency chord ?

atkingson Posted on 23/12/2010 15:39
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Flar flew foward from his seat dropping his vibrator!

1st_time_caller Posted on 23/12/2010 15:39
The FMTTM Xmas story........

but alas no, it was just admin pulling the chord, sorry i mean thread

smoghead Posted on 23/12/2010 15:41
The FMTTM Xmas story........

a new poster had come along......and ruined the chirstmas thread!

oh wait...thats me [|)]

Sea_Harrier Posted on 23/12/2010 15:42
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Lisbon woke with a start from his slumber, rubbed his eyes from sleep and said " ........"

atkingson Posted on 23/12/2010 15:42
The FMTTM Xmas story........

That blowy was tremendous pp

atkingson Posted on 23/12/2010 15:43
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Oh wait,it was just a wet dream I had...

Holgateoldskool Posted on 23/12/2010 15:43
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Where's my boy servant Grantus when I need him?

Sea_Harrier Posted on 23/12/2010 15:44
The FMTTM Xmas story........

The Ponce remained silent for a moment because he had .......................

1st_time_caller Posted on 23/12/2010 15:44
The FMTTM Xmas story........

got one of his flip flops stuck under his louis vuitton suitcase

squarewheelbike Posted on 23/12/2010 15:45
The FMTTM Xmas story........

"That blowy was tremendous pp"

I've had spits and swallows, but never gargling!

atkingson Posted on 23/12/2010 15:46
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Meanwhile, Maxi was making a line in the toilet ...

Sea_Harrier Posted on 23/12/2010 15:49
The FMTTM Xmas story........

I could feel maxis dragon breath on my neck as I was stood having .................

woodymfc Posted on 23/12/2010 15:52
The FMTTM Xmas story........

to re arrange my wifes underwear

Hurworth Posted on 23/12/2010 15:59
The FMTTM Xmas story........

which Woodymfc had been caught gusset sniffing by LisbonLegend and PinkPonce who then said

billdoor Posted on 23/12/2010 16:00
The FMTTM Xmas story........

"If you don't need that, I could sell it for charity", to which Lisbon responded by...

atkingson Posted on 23/12/2010 16:03
The FMTTM Xmas story........

'You mind I wear that for the fmttm admin sex party?'

squarewheelbike Posted on 23/12/2010 16:08
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Under my gimp mask!

woodymfc Posted on 23/12/2010 16:09
The FMTTM Xmas story........

In stormed Rob with the Doyle Police, they demanded that the sexy red string number and whip be handed over as they were vital evidence regarding a mystery Murder!!!!

Hurworth Posted on 23/12/2010 16:10
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Woody's wife's underwear went for auction doubling up as ancillary parachutes and the main buyer was ...

woodymfc Posted on 23/12/2010 16:12
The FMTTM Xmas story........

[:D]

squarewheelbike Posted on 23/12/2010 16:13
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Bernie is banned, he's never seen lasses pants before

atkingson Posted on 23/12/2010 16:14
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Liddle_towers who then...

whale_oil_beef_hooked Posted on 23/12/2010 16:41
The FMTTM Xmas story........

said during the war.................

TeessideSeasider Posted on 23/12/2010 16:43
The FMTTM Xmas story........

whale oil beef hooked....

scuzzmonster Posted on 23/12/2010 16:47
The FMTTM Xmas story........

"we had a wartime game of football against the Jerries on Christmas Day..."

whale_oil_beef_hooked Posted on 23/12/2010 17:02
The FMTTM Xmas story........

and then fought on linthorpe road..

squarewheelbike Posted on 23/12/2010 17:55
The FMTTM Xmas story........

But they won on penna's

TeessideSeasider Posted on 23/12/2010 19:18
The FMTTM Xmas story........

..and the only player to miss his penna was Bobby Thompson - whose shot hit the corner flag....

billdoor Posted on 23/12/2010 19:50
The FMTTM Xmas story........

.and by the corner flag stood...

Jan_uary Posted on 23/12/2010 20:42
The FMTTM Xmas story........

a man with a long beard, dressed all in red and shouting..

whale_oil_beef_hooked Posted on 23/12/2010 20:49
The FMTTM Xmas story........

COME ON BORO...................

parmoandstella Posted on 23/12/2010 20:58
The FMTTM Xmas story........

across the road ridsdale was standing, still bemused at the fact that I actualy hired a helicopter for my nephiews school prom....

outmac Posted on 23/12/2010 21:18
The FMTTM Xmas story........

and piloting same chopper was long time Boro'
fan Prince Andrew.....

littlejimmy Posted on 23/12/2010 21:21
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Who once visited the Boro, but doesn't like parmos.

parmoandstella Posted on 23/12/2010 21:29
The FMTTM Xmas story........

so off he flew down to T5 at heathrow were pinkponce was awaiting him with the fortune of shopping he had just bought from Tesco....

Jan_uary Posted on 23/12/2010 21:32
The FMTTM Xmas story........

and together they...

parmoandstella Posted on 23/12/2010 21:35
The FMTTM Xmas story........

tried to persuade the bloke that was raffling a lambourgini gallado to accept pink ponces shopping in return for 100 raffle tickets as they had no money on them....but then out of the XXXXXXing blue...who decided to make an appearence..............

TurnbullsCans Posted on 23/12/2010 22:02
The FMTTM Xmas story........

It was Rob FMTTM, covered in soil with some ancient tat in one hand and a trowel in the other. Under his arm was a...

parmoandstella Posted on 23/12/2010 22:06
The FMTTM Xmas story........

oil painting of the transporter bridge...

billdoor Posted on 23/12/2010 22:12
The FMTTM Xmas story........

... which he swapped for a lifetime pass at mima...

BertieWooster Posted on 23/12/2010 22:19
The FMTTM Xmas story........

madam mima was flattered by this so she

Lisbonlegend Posted on 23/12/2010 22:27
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Got janizart to paint a picture of rob as Father Christmas and...

outmac Posted on 23/12/2010 22:27
The FMTTM Xmas story........

(the last 5 , top notch[^])

called Ray Mallon who said he would commission a

Lisbonlegend Posted on 23/12/2010 22:33
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Statue of Robs hooter outside the Riverside which....

billdoor Posted on 23/12/2010 22:36
The FMTTM Xmas story........

... would mean relocating the Ayresome gates to fit it in, but...

borolad259 Posted on 23/12/2010 22:44
The FMTTM Xmas story........

you know that Rids will come along and colour it in grey with his new crayons. [;)]

TeessideSeasider Posted on 23/12/2010 22:51
The FMTTM Xmas story........

....and Critical Bill will complain about the choice of colour so.....

parmoandstella Posted on 23/12/2010 22:58
The FMTTM Xmas story........

they had no other option to place the statue of rob on top of the transporter bridgeso that the whole of teesside could admire....

borolad259 Posted on 23/12/2010 23:01
The FMTTM Xmas story........

....the Bridge of his Nose is one of the Tees Valley Giants, Considered one of Anish Kapoors finest works, it brings admirers from around the world...

parmoandstella Posted on 23/12/2010 23:05
The FMTTM Xmas story........

, admires who also claim to have a life time ambition to one day visit the...

TeessideSeasider Posted on 23/12/2010 23:12
The FMTTM Xmas story........

...Bongo completely sober, where..

Lisbonlegend Posted on 23/12/2010 23:13
The FMTTM Xmas story........

He would regularly find CriticalBill tapping up munters and...

parmoandstella Posted on 23/12/2010 23:14
The FMTTM Xmas story........

they could fight off abdulai if he tried to knock XXXXXX out of them with his mallet, but this wouldnt happen if they were in the presence of....

free_pint Posted on 24/12/2010 00:33
The FMTTM Xmas story........

...Jeremy Clarkson who...

parmoandstella Posted on 24/12/2010 03:30
The FMTTM Xmas story........

according to his wife can act so feminine that he can talk his way out of sticky....

BertieWooster Posted on 24/12/2010 04:07
The FMTTM Xmas story........

situations by telling people that he's not been well and that he...

parmoandstella Posted on 24/12/2010 06:25
The FMTTM Xmas story........

cought the aids virus after....

SKEELO Posted on 24/12/2010 06:46
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Having a blood transfusion from an Chimpanzee which was transported to Boro from....

Jeremy_Clarkson Posted on 24/12/2010 07:35
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Maxi's infected tackle [:D]

He did pass it on though to the boards resident homo....

ron_manager Posted on 24/12/2010 07:39
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Jesus aka Pinkponce[:D]

jannizart Posted on 24/12/2010 07:56
The FMTTM Xmas story........

who was recently released from...

Sea_Harrier Posted on 24/12/2010 07:57
The FMTTM Xmas story........

The Yarm Originals warehouse where he had been held a hostage to fortune by the very sexy owner who continued to ............

jannizart Posted on 24/12/2010 07:59
The FMTTM Xmas story........

protest her innocence while holding a

Sea_Harrier Posted on 24/12/2010 08:01
The FMTTM Xmas story........

sprig of mistletoe above her .......

jannizart Posted on 24/12/2010 08:17
The FMTTM Xmas story........

old grandmother's......

Quality Posted on 24/12/2010 08:25
The FMTTM Xmas story........

putrid, emaciated and pitiful

OPEO Posted on 24/12/2010 08:25
The FMTTM Xmas story........

dead body which had lain in the parlour since dropping off some two years previously while watching

jannizart Posted on 24/12/2010 08:27
The FMTTM Xmas story........

yet another repeat of the 2 Ronnies. Suddenly.....

Jeremy_Clarkson Posted on 24/12/2010 08:29
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Ponce whipped out his shiny balls and declared

ray192 Posted on 24/12/2010 08:32
The FMTTM Xmas story........

A Red_Clowne perorm live

Jeremy_Clarkson Posted on 24/12/2010 08:33
The FMTTM Xmas story........

and I have three balls behold, he looked round for his best mate....

r00fie Posted on 24/12/2010 08:34
The FMTTM Xmas story........

...coming out the cubicle in the Navvi, when....

OPEO Posted on 24/12/2010 08:35
The FMTTM Xmas story........

lo and behold a sponsor with three balls appeared before him and said

ray192 Posted on 24/12/2010 08:36
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Jan_uary blushed at his three balls [:I]

tomo_from_boro Posted on 24/12/2010 08:41
The FMTTM Xmas story........

red and green should never be seen ...except on a ........

Lisbonlegend Posted on 24/12/2010 08:45
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Christmas eve in MarlonDs Geordie abode where...

Quality Posted on 24/12/2010 08:45
The FMTTM Xmas story........


'''the 3 wise men...

Lisbonlegend Posted on 24/12/2010 08:49
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Fletch, electricman and sickas...

TeessideSeasider Posted on 24/12/2010 08:49
The FMTTM Xmas story........

...a Redcar donkey on Bank Holiday Monday...

r00fie Posted on 24/12/2010 08:51
The FMTTM Xmas story........

....couldnt stop ringing its bells, so in the end...

Sea_Harrier Posted on 24/12/2010 08:56
The FMTTM Xmas story........

he invited all his friends around to make merry and to ............

TeessideSeasider Posted on 24/12/2010 08:57
The FMTTM Xmas story........

....admire hanging baskets outside The Mitre, where every FMTTM board member had....

Quality Posted on 24/12/2010 08:59
The FMTTM Xmas story........

pooed their pants because they had heard that

TeessideSeasider Posted on 24/12/2010 09:00
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Critical Bill had made a New Years Resolution to...

Quality Posted on 24/12/2010 09:04
The FMTTM Xmas story........

...start pelting them with his pramful of spat out dummies...

TeessideSeasider Posted on 24/12/2010 09:05
The FMTTM Xmas story........

..that he'd got only just the night before...at about 8 o clock...........when suddenly...

Sea_Harrier Posted on 24/12/2010 09:07
The FMTTM Xmas story........

the teddy came out of the pram at great speed, and a policeman shouted. "Oi, you'll have some fckers eye out doin' that yer little twt", to which Critical Bill retorted ...................

Quality Posted on 24/12/2010 09:11
The FMTTM Xmas story........

...I'll never grass anyone up but that belonged to Capio (Troll, tee hee) who had changed his username yet again. All of a sudden a dullard called Bolckow von Ridsdale jumped up, saying...

OPEO Posted on 24/12/2010 10:24
The FMTTM Xmas story........

I wish all my fellow divvies would come back to cob before....

SKEELO Posted on 24/12/2010 10:29
The FMTTM Xmas story........

we all get banned and have to start another website up......

free_pint Posted on 24/12/2010 10:34
The FMTTM Xmas story........

and we will call it...

Tortured_Mind Posted on 24/12/2010 10:47
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Then there was a knock at the door. It was TeessideCleveland and MrsTiggywinkle.

Jeremy_Clarkson Posted on 24/12/2010 11:52
The FMTTM Xmas story........

They were naked apart from....

Sea_Harrier Posted on 24/12/2010 11:55
The FMTTM Xmas story........

............ a firework tied to TeessideCleveland knob. I think he's fcuking crackers, but what do you think?

Jeremy_Clarkson Posted on 24/12/2010 12:03
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Dicky20006 appeared holding a rather large xmas dildo he had just come back from Rosie Websters house where he had just finished....

ron_manager Posted on 24/12/2010 12:25
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Shiiting in her living room

free_pint Posted on 24/12/2010 12:28
The FMTTM Xmas story........

The smell was nasty, but Rosie enjoyed that kind of thing...

king_hellfire Posted on 24/12/2010 17:51
The FMTTM Xmas story........

...because it kept the flies away from her fanny. This pleased her so much that she decided to...

parmoandstella Posted on 24/12/2010 17:53
The FMTTM Xmas story........

sit on my face....

billdoor Posted on 24/12/2010 17:58
The FMTTM Xmas story........

...in Mcdonald's car park...

outmac Posted on 24/12/2010 17:59
The FMTTM Xmas story........

as Rosie descended parmo noticed she had not
wiped her......

parmoandstella Posted on 24/12/2010 18:04
The FMTTM Xmas story........

toung clean of strawberry cheese cake

billdoor Posted on 24/12/2010 18:06
The FMTTM Xmas story........

...or her arse, despite the cheesecake giving her diarrhea...

outmac Posted on 24/12/2010 18:08
The FMTTM Xmas story........

and s.h.i.t.e from her bottom but what....

PinkPonce Posted on 24/12/2010 18:12
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Was interesting is that the cheesecake was one made by pinkponce which ...

PP ... x

Tortured_Mind Posted on 24/12/2010 18:14
The FMTTM Xmas story........

TeessideCleveland slowly removed MrsTiggywinkle's knickers.

king_hellfire Posted on 24/12/2010 18:19
The FMTTM Xmas story........

...With maxi's teeth...

Jeremy_Clarkson Posted on 24/12/2010 18:20
The FMTTM Xmas story........

But was taken aback by her 15" penis...

king_hellfire Posted on 24/12/2010 18:29
The FMTTM Xmas story........

... that she'd pilfered from the corpse at her autopsy exam earlier that day, she was gonna use it for all sorts of practical jokes round town later that night, starting with...

parmoandstella Posted on 24/12/2010 18:30
The FMTTM Xmas story........

poking it through the glory hole in the magnet hotel toilets....

Jeremy_Clarkson Posted on 24/12/2010 18:32
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Starting with The Navi's "whats in my pants" competition...

Suddenly Maxi joined the party....

billdoor Posted on 24/12/2010 18:33
The FMTTM Xmas story........

...and asked, disgustedly, why Ponce's cheesecake had King Prawns in it...

king_hellfire Posted on 24/12/2010 18:42
The FMTTM Xmas story........

...and when was TeessideCleveland gonna return his dentures because he...

parmoandstella Posted on 24/12/2010 18:44
The FMTTM Xmas story........

had sore gums of them from giving out countless...

king_hellfire Posted on 24/12/2010 18:57
The FMTTM Xmas story........

...pearls of wisdom on how to be a burden on society and the law abiding tax payers and...

Jeremy_Clarkson Posted on 24/12/2010 19:10
The FMTTM Xmas story........

the art of giving head....



Meanwhile Ponce appeared and whipped out his wax....

r00fie Posted on 24/12/2010 19:11
The FMTTM Xmas story........

....strips which he wound around his...

Quality Posted on 24/12/2010 20:07
The FMTTM Xmas story........

..little Noddy car shouting , 'Wax on, Wax off'. All of a sudden..............

r00fie Posted on 24/12/2010 20:22
The FMTTM Xmas story........

...Big Ears stuck his hand round the door and grabbed Andy`s.....

Only_Me Posted on 24/12/2010 20:23
The FMTTM Xmas story........

watch which fell off in the tussle, only to be grabbed by...

atkingson Posted on 24/12/2010 20:43
The FMTTM Xmas story........

A rather intregued lisbon

Only_Me Posted on 24/12/2010 20:44
The FMTTM Xmas story........

who wondered why, after having paid such a fortune for it, the clasp seemed to be made from inferior materials.
meanwhile, just outside santas grotty stood a very forlorn and worried holgate corner who...

parmoandstella Posted on 24/12/2010 21:37
The FMTTM Xmas story........

...despite having Fletch back him up....

Jeremy_Clarkson Posted on 25/12/2010 08:52
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Fake he's wearing a fake cried MarlonD and pulled out his....

Quality Posted on 25/12/2010 10:08
The FMTTM Xmas story........

...brand new Swiss Army knife. Releasing the largest blade he immediately...

Jeremy_Clarkson Posted on 25/12/2010 10:13
The FMTTM Xmas story........

struggled to open a tin of corned beef until Gazza arrived with a fishing rod, some KFC a few tinnies and a dressing gown....


Then suddenly.....[:O]

parmoandstella Posted on 25/12/2010 17:37
The FMTTM Xmas story........

...everyone realised it was christmas day[:O]....WHAT THE XXXXXX ARE WE DOING IN THE NAVI ON CHRSTMAS DAY?????....cried Lisbon......

Jeremy_Clarkson Posted on 25/12/2010 22:56
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Flashing expensive watches straped round his....

r00fie Posted on 25/12/2010 23:04
The FMTTM Xmas story........

...organ.He played jingle bells on his....

Jeremy_Clarkson Posted on 25/12/2010 23:06
The FMTTM Xmas story........

freshly shaved balls































Ponce looked on proudly as he.....

r00fie Posted on 25/12/2010 23:07
The FMTTM Xmas story........

...organised his orchestra and restrung his banjo.....

r00fie Posted on 26/12/2010 13:22
The FMTTM Xmas story........

.......which he twanged gleefully when he woke up next morning...

squarewheelbike Posted on 26/12/2010 13:26
The FMTTM Xmas story........

In a completely different skip to the usual! Along with...

Tortured_Mind Posted on 26/12/2010 13:26
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Then there was a knock at the door. It was TeessideCleveland and MrsTiggywinkle.

Tuncay_alves_ftw Posted on 26/12/2010 16:03
The FMTTM Xmas story........

Who wanted to Get in the bed with ponce maxi and Lisbon...